and my grief. So, for a while there, Georgie became a much-needed lifeline. My guardian angel. My best friend, protector, and cheerleader. She was the one who encouraged me to get into music, actually, to help me deal with my grief. She’s the one who listened to my very first songs and told me I was destined for greatness.” I chuckle, remembering Georgina’s passionate exuberance about me, even back then, before adding, “To this day, Georgina is the first one to hear any new song of mine, no matter what.”
“How’d your dad die, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“He was killed by a hit-and-run driver while out for a morning jog.”
Fish looks deeply pained. “I’m sorry.”
I nod. “It’s a terrible thing to lose the person who ‘gets’ you the most. My mom loves me, of course. But she doesn’t get me. My dad always did. He was a musician and so sweet and gentle. So accepting and kind.” I sigh. “Sometimes, I wish he were here, and then I think how cruel it is that, if he were still here, I wouldn’t even know Georgina. And, of course, I can’t imagine my life without her. Life is crazy like that sometimes, huh? The way it forces a person to choose between two amazing things as an either-or proposition?”
Fish nods. “I’m really sorry for your loss, Ally. But I’m so glad you have Georgina.”
I lean my cheek on Fish’s shoulder and inhale his delicious scent. “Who’s the person who gets you the most?”
“Dax. He can read me better than anyone. I don’t even have to tell him what’s on my mind. He just knows.”
I feel flushed, all of a sudden, being cuddled up with him like this. Telling him about the deepest parts of myself. I feel tingles and flashes of heat in my body I’ve never felt with anyone before. But I can’t help wondering, despite all the times Fish has called me his date tonight . . . Is he not feeling the same kind of physical attraction I’m feeling to him? I’ve never been kissed before, so, obviously, I’m not an expert about how first kisses finally happen. But I feel like I’ve been nonverbally shouting at this boy to lay one on me for at least the past two hours. Am I that bad at flirting? Or has Fish decided to friend-zone me, like so many others have done in the past?
I swallow hard, and keep my eyes trained on the view. “Hey, Fish?” I whisper. Suddenly, I feel determined to ask him, once and for all, if he’s interested in kissing me tonight. If he says no, I’ll be crushed. But, at least, I won’t have to wonder. But when I raise my head from his shoulder and look into his green eyes, I immediately lose my nerve.
He raises his eyebrows, waiting to hear whatever’s on my mind.
I clear my throat. “Do you . . . have any . . . advice on . . . overcoming stage fright?”
Fish chuckles. “I still don’t get how it’s possible you get stage fright. Don’t you play in front of people at school?”
“Yes, but not nearly as much as I should. Not as much as other people, because I don’t put myself out there as much as I should. I’ve recently decided to perform a lot more, though. This summer, I’m going to audition a ton. I’ve already signed up for a huge one on Tuesday, right after I get back to Boston.”
“What’s the audition?”
“Well, I probably shouldn’t have called it ‘huge,’ considering who I’m talking to. It’s just a weekly solo gig at a popular coffeehouse near campus. And I won’t get the gig. It’s highly competitive. But getting the job isn’t the point. It’s learning how to push myself outside of my comfort zone.”
“That’s exactly what you should be doing. Putting yourself out there, until your discomfort turns to comfort. And then do it again. That, and have faith in yourself.” He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand again. “At every audition, show them the Alessandra I’ve been hanging out with tonight. If you do that, I promise they won’t be able to resist you. Any more than I have.”
Oh, for the love of fuck. Really? He hasn’t been able to resist me, huh? It sure doesn’t feel that way, when my lips are literally aching to be kissed.
But even as I’m thinking my salty thoughts, I suddenly realize Fish is leaning into me.