life, and I will always regret it. Jeff isn’t worth the time of day and he definitely wasn’t worth losing you for. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me. I really want my sister back.
Love - Hannah
I read the letter a few times and the line that kept drawing my attention was: It was the one time I could actually be as good as you. Did Hannah really feel that badly about herself? My heart ached thinking about my sister and the choices she’d made. I never realized how my ambition would make her feel. How badly would someone have to feel about herself to believe that sleeping with her sister’s fiancé would somehow help to build her self-esteem?
I felt like a fraud. How could a mental health counselor be so blind to her own sister’s issues? How could I not see the issues between us? How could I have considered her my best friend and not truly known how she felt? As hurt and betrayed I felt by her actions, I also considered the possibility that I had also let her down. For the first time, I considered her feelings and that fact that she was in pain, too.
I missed my sister terribly, but was I ready to forgive her?
EIGHT
Reaching
Thursday was the day of our Ropes Challenge Course Training. It was the day I had been dreading all week. I would be seeing both Eddie and Daniel together again for the first time since the night I found out they were roommates.
As I got ready for work, I stared at myself in my bathroom mirror. How had I gotten into such a terrible mess? As much as I loved pickles, this was one pickle I wish I had avoided. There wasn’t going to be a way to hide the feelings I had for the two men. Somehow I knew neither one of them were going to hide the feelings they had for me. I knew I was wishing for too much when I hoped the two of them would try to keep things civil and professional since we were at work. Unfortunately, I was giving them both too much credit.
Earlier in the week, Tom emailed the clinical team with some rules and instructions for the day. We were to wear casual athletic wear and comfortable shoes. I decided on some biker shorts and a fitted T-shirt and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. It wasn’t really something I would wear if I was going to work out, but I wanted to display a bit of modesty, since it was still considered the work environment and I would be spending the day with my professional colleagues.
The Ropes Challenge Course was located several hundred yards behind the school. The mental health facility used it for both adult and youth treatment clients, mostly the inpatients, and they also rented it out for companies and other organizations for retreats.
I purposely arrived early so I could get myself together mentally and emotionally before I had to face Daniel and Eddie.
As I walked over to the Course, I was immediately intimidated by some of the course elements. There were wires high in the area that I sensed we would be climbing. Fear gripped me as I thought about myself high in the air like a tightrope walker. Then I noticed a large freestanding wall, which I assumed at some point we would have to climb. When I stood next to the tall structure, it towered over me. I thought about all of the comedy movies I had seen in which bumbling army or police recruits would try unsuccessfully to maneuver themselves over a similar type of structure. I was no doubt going to look just as ridiculous trying to get over the thing.
I could feel a presence behind me and I immediately froze. I knew it was Eddie even before I turned around. He got so close to me, I could feel his breath on my neck.
“You look exceptionally hot in your tiny shorts and tight tee,” he said. “Every time you look at me today, I want you to know that the only thing I’ll be thinking about is ripping them off and taking you right behind this wall.”
I gulped. How was I ever going to make it through this day? I already felt like I was going to pass out.
Eddie grabbed my elbow and turned me around to face him. His eyes were on fire. A wave of panic