in her body. Somehow, it doesn’t make me feel any better about what happened. At least I know what to expect. I lost people that were close to me before. I lost family, I lost people on missions. I know how long I’ll feel like this, I know what I’ll be feeling later. Denial, grief, resentment. We’re predictable little creatures. But I’m worried about Vincent. He doesn’t know what’s coming. I’d like to know how he’s doing.
—I am not worried for his life, if that is what you are asking. He is…You are right. He is devastated by the passing of Dr. Franklin. That much is obvious. However, you can find some comfort in the fact that it is that obvious. He has no problems expressing his feeling of loss, his guilt, his anger over what happened. His emotions are well-defined, and he is coherent in expressing them. In time, he will come back.
—I’m not so sure. What does he do now?
—I am not certain he has a source of income. He was making model ships when I visited.
—Ships? Like…toys?
—Scaled model ships from World War II. I am not an expert, but some seemed quite elaborate.
—…
—Some of them must have close to a thousand pieces. Building them requires a certain set of skills, a lot of patience, and attention to details.
—…
—Yes. You could call them toys.
—And that’s all he does?
—For most of the day, yes. I realize it does not sound extremely encouraging, but it gives him something to focus on. I would rather see him work on a 1/200 scale USS Arizona than lie in bed all day.
—Does he eat? Does he bathe?
—I believe so. Although shaving seems to have made way for other, more important tasks in his daily routine. We keep talking about Mr. Couture but it is you I came to see. How do you feel?
—I feel…numb.
—What do you mean?
—After something this intense, everything else just…Things that would have had you up in arms before now seem so utterly trivial. Nothing really matters. You start to ignore little things, because they’re little things. You compromise. You rationalize. Soon you look at yourself in the mirror and you don’t recognize the person staring back at you.
But, you know. I’m alive. I’m OK. I wake up every day, and I get out of bed thinking today might be just a bit better than yesterday. Most of the time it is. Show must go on, as they say.
—Do you have any vacation time coming?
—I don’t think a vacation is really what I need right now.
—I was not making conversation. I am inquiring as to whether or not you could take a short leave of absence, not about your predispositions.
—I don’t know. Wasn’t I just on extended leave for about two years? I never really thought about asking for more since I came back.
—Would it surprise you to know that you have accrued 22.5 days of leave since your reassignment at Fort Carson?
—I forgot who I was talking to. I suppose in a minute you’ll tell me that I’ve already put in for some leave.
—You have. But I want you to feel perfectly comfortable, should you wish to reconsider.
—I’m free to reconsider taking the leave of absence I never asked for…Typical…I should have known you didn’t come here just to see how I was doing.
—I did. I came here specifically to see how you were doing, and to ask for your help if you appeared capable.
—What is it you want me to do?
—I want you to locate someone for me.
—Can’t you get any of your Special Forces friends to do it?
—The military are not involved in this operation. In fact, it is critical that no one working for the US government be involved in any way.
—Except for me…
—Except for you.
—So, where am I taking this much-needed vacation?
—Sarajevo.
—Really? This better be good.
—You will absolutely love Sarajevo. It is one of my favorite places in the world. By the time you leave, you will wish you did not have to.
—And what am I doing in lovely Bosnia?
—You should try and visit Mostar if time permits. But, aside from ancient cities and the usual tourist attractions, you are attending the Sarajevo Film Festival.
—Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
—You will catch the premiere of Oprosti mi, Mina. It is a very small film by a young Serb cineaste named Goran Lukic´. He is someone I know and trust. He will be your guide in Bosnia.
—What does Oprosti Mina mean?
—Oprosti mi, Mina.