And that cool little bug zapper that’s keeping us from being eaten alive while we dine al fresco without smelling eau de trash. Manhattan can suck it.”
She hummed her anthem, “Food, Glorious Food,” as she scooped up a bite of loaded potato.
“Yeah, I’d better thank Mathilda for sending that zapper to me. I never thought I’d have a use for it—I just don’t sit out here all that much.” Alone was the unsaid but obvious word she suspected Jake meant to say.
“Jake, I need to tell you something.”
The tone of her voice was meant to grab his attention and maybe even make him worry a little. She grinned inside but kept her expression blank. She owed him for the whole steak-in-the-oven thing.
“What is it?” His voice was carefully neutral, but she saw the corner of his mouth tighten just a little.
“I don’t want you just for your patio overlooking the lake,” she said, spearing another piece of the butter-soft steak. “Or the view from your living room. It’s your dad I’m really after.”
He chuckled. “I’m beginning to believe that.”
She grinned at him, loving the way the moonlight limned over his features and made him look like a dark, sensual angel. His hair was loose and fell a ways past his jaw, and he hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt—which she appreciated greatly. He’d filled out and bulked up just a little—just the right amount—in the last eleven years. And he certainly still had the stamina of a twenty-four-year-old.
“So, Vivvie—” He stopped suddenly, looking awkward. “Sorry—”
Her heart hurt. “It’s all right, Jake. You can call me that. I was being bitchy. It’s just…it reminded me of better times, and it hurt too much.”
He nodded, holding her eyes. “Me too.” When he lifted his glass, moonlight shot through the Tempranillo, making it appear more ruby than garnet. “To even better times.”
“To even better times.” She sipped—the wine was excellent, and perfect with the steak—then steeled herself and said, “Jake…I need you to know how sorry I am about how things ended with us before.”
“You’ve already apologized, Viv, and—”
“I know, but when I think about how self-absorbed I was and what you went through, I feel— I just wanted to say it again.”
He nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate it. It wasn’t a fun time for me. It messed me up a little.”
“I know. Your dad told me your mom was worried about you.” Her eyes welled up again as she thought about the fact that she’d never meet his mother.
“I know. I could tell she was…but it was something I had to work through, and I didn’t want to talk about it. Any of it. And, honestly, what happened with Lissa was ugly and uncomfortable, and it still makes me ill to think about it, but when I think about how much worse it can be—especially for women…
“When I was in my residency, I did a rotation in the ER, of course, and there was a woman who came in who’d been sexually assaulted. My God, Vivien, what she went through was so much worse than what happened to me. I mean, it was awful, but it didn’t, you know, leave me with the deep, lasting scars—physical and emotional—that she’ll have—”
“But it was still awful, still a violation, Jake, and…and if I hadn’t been such a bitch, maybe I could have been there for you.” And beaten the crap out of Lissa Kirkland.
“You’d been left by so many other people you’d loved. I was just another one doing the same. I didn’t realize it at the time either, why you were so upset, why you just cut me off. I was just focused on me, and my future—which I assumed you’d be part of. I could have handled it better.”
“We both could have.” She raised her glass so it caught the moonlight too. “To even better times.”
“To even better times.”
They ate in silence for a while, basking in each other’s company. Then Vivien remembered Jake had started to speak earlier.
“What were you going to say, Jake? A few minutes ago?”
“I… Well, when the Tuesday Ladies and everyone had me trapped at Pop’s, it came up that you’re not going to be in the show. Onstage. They were all pretty confused and, actually, a little worried about you. Sounded like Trib—I guess you know him too?—was really sounding off about it. Are you doing okay with all of this?”
Vivien’s throat closed up a little and her eyes stung at this unexpected topic. She