wine.”
“I thought you were on duty till ten,” Vivien said when Helga pulled out the bottle of Viognier. “And you didn’t look in the freezer or the cupboards,” she added grumpily. “There’s frozen pizza and macaroni and cheese and ramen.”
“The wine’s for you not me.” Helga handed Vivien a glass of the Viognier then plumped down on the beige and blue plaid sofa that looked like it had been on the set of Stranger Things. “Lord, that thing is creepy,” said Helga, eyeing the Nutcracker headpiece. “Tell me again why you have it.”
“I’m going to display it at the theater as a relic from shows gone by,” Vivien replied.
“Having that thing in my house would give me nightmares.”
“It’s the Nutcracker! From a ballet. It’s not like it’s the mask from Halloween.”
“If you say so.” Helga didn’t sound convinced. “All right, so I’ve got maybe another twenty minutes before I have to go back out on patrol—there’s a live band playing at the gazebo by the beach from seven to nine, and it’s ripe for drunk and disorderly—so let’s get on with it. Give it to me: high-level overview. Quick, so I can give you my two cents’ worth.”
Vivien sighed and set the wine aside. She didn’t want it right now. All she really wanted was to lie down and sob herself to sleep, or binge something light and airy on Netflix. Maybe she’d dig up My Fair Lady or one of the best musicals ever: Hairspray. She deserved it—it had been one upside-down, ugly, emotional day.
But she gave Helga the basics, sparing herself no mercy over her actions both eleven years ago and recently with Jake.
“So what I’m hearing you say is that you freaked out when Jake told you he was leaving—leaving you, basically. It was sudden and unexpected and it probably reminded you a little bit of Liv, didn’t it?” Helga said in a soothing, knowing voice.
“When did you turn into a psychologist?” Vivien grumbled, but she couldn’t deny that what her friend said had hit the right button.
“Part of cop training, babe. I did a workshop on hostage negotiating a while back, too.”
“Well, I’m not holding any hostages, but you might be right about it,” Vivien replied. “About me equating him leaving to Liv dying.”
Had she ever thought about it that way?
No. She’d blocked it all off because it hurt too damned much. And so she’d focused on the “cheating” part of Jake’s actions, not the leaving part, because the cheating part was cut and dry and easy to understand, easy to hold against him.
The leaving part was a lot more nebulous.
“Not just Liv, but your mom too.” If Helga had been wearing glasses, she would have been looking at Vivien from over the tops of them like Blanche from Grease.
“And Mom, too. Geez,” Vivien said, tipping her head back against the chair. Her mother had been in and out of rehab for the last twenty years and was currently sober…but who knew for how long. “She didn’t die, but she sort of left me too, didn’t she? I mean, I knew I had issues with abandonment, but—”
“You were only ten when it happened, right? That shit leaves a deep scar at any age, but at ten? Losing your twin suddenly and without warning? Not only your twin, but your career and life as you knew it—right?”
Vivien’s eyes were stinging and she blinked rapidly. “Why did it take me eleven years to figure that out?”
Helga heaved a sigh, then rose. “Because you’re human. And humans protect themselves from hurt.” She came over to the chair, and Vivien stood to accept her tight, heartfelt hug.
“This is cop training too, you know,” Helga said, giving her one last squeeze before stepping away. “But that doesn’t mean when I go all emotional and anxious you won’t be able to do this for me.” She grimaced. “I have to go, Viv. Are you going to be all right?”
“Yes. Thanks. I’ll be fine. Really.”
Helga nodded and went to the door, but she paused and gave Vivien a meaningful look. “Lock up tight. I know it’s warm tonight, but at least put a wedge in the windows so they can’t open too much, all right? I’ll drive by or have someone drive by every half-hour until I’m off. Hey! Why don’t I go get Butch? I was going to pick him up anyway—he likes to go on patrol with me at night. He can stay with you instead.”
Vivien loved Helga’s dog—a big, super-friendly,