without thinking—my body seemed to move on its own. My arm reached over the low wall into the garden and picked up a rock. I could feel its weight in my hands. My hands knew what to do: they had decided to kill him, crack open the worthless scumbag’s skull. I went along with this, in a mindless trance, creeping after him, silently gaining ground, getting nearer. Soon I was close enough. I raised the rock, preparing to smash it down on him with all my strength. I’d knock him to the ground and bash his brains out. I was so close; if he weren’t still talking on his phone, he’d have heard me.
Now: I raised the rock, and—
Right behind me, on my left, a front door opened. A sudden buzz of conversation, loud Thank yous and Goodbyes as people left the house. I froze. Right in front of me, Kathy’s lover stopped and looked in the direction of the noise, at the house. I stepped aside and hid behind a tree. He didn’t see me.
He started walking again, but I didn’t follow. The interruption had startled me out of my reverie. The rock fell from my hand and it thudded to the ground. I watched him from behind the tree. He strolled up to the front door of a house, unlocked it, and let himself inside.
A few seconds later, a light went on in the kitchen. He was standing in profile, a little way from the window. Only half of the room was visible from the street. He was talking to someone I couldn’t see. While they talked, he opened a bottle of wine. They sat down and ate a meal together. Then I caught a glimpse of his companion. It was a woman. Was it his wife? I couldn’t see her clearly. He put his arm around her and kissed her.
So I wasn’t the only one being betrayed. He had returned home, after kissing my wife, and ate the meal this woman had prepared for him, as if nothing had happened. I knew I couldn’t leave it here—I had to do something. But what? Despite my best homicidal fantasies, I wasn’t a murderer. I couldn’t kill him.
I’d have to think of something cleverer than that.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I PLANNED TO HAVE IT out with Alicia first thing in the morning. I intended to make her admit she had lied to me about the man killing Gabriel and force her to confront the truth.
Unfortunately, I never got the chance.
Yuri was waiting for me in reception. “Theo, I need to talk to you—”
“What is it?”
I took a closer look at him. His face seemed to have aged overnight; he looked shrunken, pale, bloodless. Something bad had happened.
“There’s been an accident. Alicia—she took an overdose.”
“What? Is she—?”
Yuri shook his head. “She’s still alive, but—”
“Thank God—”
“But she’s in a coma. It doesn’t look good.”
“Where is she?”
Yuri took me through a series of locked corridors into the intensive care ward. Alicia was in a private room. She was hooked up to an ECG machine and a ventilator. Her eyes were closed.
Christian was there with another doctor. He looked ashen in contrast to the emergency-room doctor, who had a deep suntan—she’d obviously just gotten back from holiday. But she didn’t look refreshed. She looked exhausted.
“How is Alicia?” I said.
The doctor shook her head. “Not good. We had to induce coma. Her respiratory system failed.”
“What did she take?”
“An opioid of some kind. Hydrocodone, probably.”
Yuri nodded. “There was an empty bottle of pills on the desk in her room.”
“Who found her?”
“I did,” Yuri said. “She was on the floor, by the bed. She didn’t seem to be breathing. I thought she was dead at first.”
“Any idea how she got hold of the pills?”
Yuri glanced at Christian, who shrugged. “We all know there’s a lot of dealing going on in the wards.”
“Elif is dealing,” I said.
Christian nodded. “Yes, I think so too.”
Indira came in. She looked close to tears. She stood by Alicia’s side and watched her for a moment. “This is going to have a terrible effect on the others. It always sets the patients back months when this sort of thing happens.” She sat down and reached for Alicia’s hand and stroked it. I watched the ventilator rise and fall. There was silence for a moment.
“I blame myself,” I said.
Indira shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Theo.”
“I should have taken better care of her.”
“You did your best. You helped her. Which is more than anyone else