should consider a career in positive reinforcement when your acting career crashes and burns due to your complete lack of talent.”
For a second anger flares, but he shutters it. “There’s no need to be rude, but I shouldn’t be surprised. You’re so young.”
“What the fuck? I’m twenty-nine, not nine.” I sigh dramatically. “Get to the point, Grandad.”
“That’s my point, Jude.” His patient smile indicates I’ve made a misstep. “You just called me Grandad, and I’m the same age as Asa.”
“Asa is just Asa to me. I don’t look at his age, and he doesn’t look at mine.”
He shakes his head. “Are you sure about that? What can you really offer him, Jude? He’s forty-five with a kid and a very successful career. You’ve just come out of uni.”
“It was a second degree,” I say slowly. “I did have a successful career in between that and the first one. I haven’t just been sitting around for years, eating Pot Noodles and watching This Morning.”
“Yes, you were modelling underwear. It’s not exactly something that requires brainpower,” he says patronisingly.
“I wouldn’t mock,” I say sharply. “That underwear was engineered to somehow miraculously make men’s packages look bigger.” I flick a glance at his crotch. “I’ll buy you a pair.”
Rage flares. “I don’t need any help. I’ve never had any unsatisfied partners.” He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. “Asa never complained.”
For a second, the noise and bustle seem to stop, instantly muted, and then it all roars back in. “What the fuck did you just say?” I hiss.
“I’m just saying that Asa needs more than a tight arse and a pretty face. He needs someone with a brain, someone to talk to about his work who will understand.”
“And how do you fucking know what Asa needs?” I ask sharply. “You who knew him casually years ago. How the fuck do you know anything about him?”
He sits back, a satisfied smile crossing his face, and I know we’re at the heart of what he wanted to say. “Because Asa and I were lovers,” he says clearly. “We were lovers for two years. We only split up because I wouldn’t come out. He begged me to, but I couldn’t do it.” He leans forward. “But that’s not in our way anymore. I’m out and proud, and I’m back for him.”
I rear back, unable to speak for a second, and he takes the opportunity to pat me consolingly on the head and then saunters off to the bar.
I watch him as he nears Asa. He slings his arm around his shoulders and joins in the conversation with the barmaid. It’s a slight consolation that Asa shrugs his arm off him immediately, but it can’t stop the thoughts flying around in my head like black crows.
Hayden could be lying, but I know he isn’t. His words had too much solid truth bolstering them. So why the fuck didn’t Asa tell me? He’s let me talk to Hayden all these months and never let me in on that tiny little fact. He’s made me look like a complete idiot, like a child excluded from the adult world.
The omission is what guts me most. I thought we told each other everything. It’s what keeps our relationship strong. It’s why I’ve always trusted him, even when we were away from each other. I know everything about Phillip, his ex, and he’s told me about other partners, but he never once mentioned Hayden. Why?
My heart twists. Maybe he’s secretly been missing Hayden? Relationships that end like that can hurt and leave a lot of unresolved feelings. Have they been getting those feelings out of their systems alone while they’re in Ireland, or are they planning to get together? I have a sudden image of the two of them with each other, and I flinch. They’d look good together. Light and dark, like a fine-art print.
My thoughts are hazy from the drink, and I feel rage and hurt roiling through me, sitting on my stomach like greasy oil on water, and suddenly I can’t bear to be here anymore. I grab my jacket and walk out of the bar. My instinct is to talk to someone about this, but, of course, Asa is always my first option when I need to talk something through.
The cold air hits me like a slap, and I zip my jacket up and walk away. I’ve only taken a few steps when I hear someone drawl, “Jude Bailey. Is that you?”