She wanted him to remember her as someone who'd been decent and caring. Not the soulless monster she currently felt like.
Please see the real me.
Just once.
No one ever had. She'd always been so strong around Hannah and Kurt. Never let them see her fears. She'd strived to be a perfect sister and to help them with whatever problem they had, no matter what was going on in her own life, no matter how badly she ached inside.
They had come first.
And of course, to be a dutiful daughter to her adoptive parents, she'd learned to bury herself and her emotions and let no one ever see them. Her one fear had always been that they would regret taking a human into their home and turn her out into the streets if she caused them any problem whatsoever.
Most Apollites tried to hide their distaste about her unfortunate human birth, but she saw through the hollow smiles and false offers of friendship, especially her adoptive father's. Like the others, he'd tried to hide it. But he couldn't.
The truth had been forever etched in his eyes, and it had cut her to her soul.
They weren't her people, and they never forgot that fact. No matter how hard she'd tried to fit in and convince them that she was on their side. That she would fight to the death for them. No matter how many Hunters she pursued for them. There was still a wall they kept in place that she wasn't allowed to climb.
You're a human, and that's all you'll ever be to them.
But she'd always wanted to be more. In spite of it all, she'd loved them like the family they were to her. She'd always wanted to be accepted by them. To not feel like that needy child staring through a window at a world that would never welcome her in. That isolation had always stung and hurt.
Until now. Now, for the first time, all that desolate pain was gone.
Sundown made her feel like she belonged. Like she was wanted. It was as if he'd opened the door and finally said that it was okay for her to come inside. That he didn't mind being with her.
That she was welcome here.
For that, she would sell her soul.
Jess lifted his hand to cup her face. Smiling at him, she kissed his palm before she nuzzled the calluses there. His skin was so much tougher than hers. So manly. But that was what she loved about it. She leaned forward to nip at his whiskered chin while she stroked his cock. He was so hard and yet velvety soft.
He watched her from beneath lashes so thick, they should be illegal. "Be a hell of a time for a bee sting, wouldn't it?" he whispered against her lips.
She laughed. "You're so not right."
He kissed the tip of her nose. "Yeah, well, you're pretty damn perfect from where I'm sitting."
Those words made her heart soar. No one had ever said anything kinder to her. Closing her eyes, she leaned into him and held him tight. Why couldn't they have met under different circumstances? He was someone she could have loved. Had he not been a Dark-Hunter. Had her parents not been murdered.
Now ...
There was nothing for them. If they survived, they couldn't stay together. No hope for any kind of future. This was all they'd ever have.
And she wanted to hold on to this moment forever. To pretend that they weren't who they were. Just two normal people who meant something to each other, who'd met by mere happenstance.
"Why are you so sad?"
She swallowed at his question. "I'm not sad, Jess. I'm scared."
"I won't hurt you."
And that made her ache all the more as guilt stabbed her hard. Before she knew the truth, she would have hurt him in an instant. "I know."
He captured her lips as he slid his hand beneath her bra. His fingers teased her skin, sending chills the length of her body. It had been so long since she'd been with any man. Her training had always taken precedence, leaving her very little time to focus on something she'd always considered trivial. Relationships had seemed wasted. You never got as much out as you put in. It was a recipe for disaster and heartbreak, and she'd never wanted to waste her time with it.
Jess would have been worth the effort, though. The way he'd cherished Matilda ...
That was what it was all about. Putting someone above you. Loving them with everything you had. Living for the sole reason of seeing them happy even if it meant you suffering for their well-being.