Those words haunted her. Like he said, she'd allowed her past to color everything about her and to infect any part of happiness she might try to find. She'd worn her scars like a badge, and her family had used them against her. Not for her best interest.
For theirs.
His warm hand felt so good as he soothed her. "I don't see the monster in you, Abby. Monsters don't care about other people, and they don't care who they hurt. In you, I see a woman who is strong. One who knows what's right and who will do whatever she has to to protect the ones she loves."
"I killed your friends," she reminded him.
"And I'm not happy about that. But your head wasn't screwed on right. It's easy to let the enemies in and listen to them sometimes, especially when they're pretending to be your best friends who only want the best for you. At least that's what they claim. They're insidious bastards, telling you what you want to hear and using your emotions to manipulate you into doing their bidding. I did it with Bart. I thought he was the only person in the world who gave a shit about me, and I would have protected him with my life."
That was how she'd felt about Kurt.
"Sooner or later, usually out of jealousy, their real colors come out and you see the truth that makes you feel like a fool. I know that betrayal, Abigail. That sting that's so deep inside, it leaves a permanent scar on your soul. But you don't have to be like them. And you're not."
She felt her tears start falling at his words. He made her feel so much better, and she wasn't sure she had a right to. Honestly. She'd hurt so many people. Destroyed lives.
Over a lie ...
Before she realized what she was doing, she had her belt unhooked and crawled into his lap.
Jess slid the seat back so that he could hold her in the darkness. The scent of her hair filled his head as his heart thumped wildly. He held her close, wishing he could take away the pain.
Only time could do that.
And it sucked at it. "It'll be all right, Abigail."
"Yeah, after I sacrifice myself for my stupidity."
"I told you, I'm not going to let that happen."
Abigail wanted to believe him. She did. But she knew better. "There's nothing to be done. It is what it is."
He scoffed at that. "You're talking to a man who sold his soul to a goddess to get revenge on the man who killed him. Really? You think this is impossible?"
She smiled against his chest. The way he said that, she could almost believe in a miracle. For the first time, she wanted to. She buried her face against his shoulder, inhaling his scent. Why was it that here, she finally felt safe? Even though there were enemies all around and a vicious mountain lion waiting outside to devour them, she felt safe. It defied all logic and sense.
Jess kissed the top of her head while his own emotions flared deep. He'd forgotten what it was like to look into a woman's eyes and see a future he craved. To be this close to one and to share things about his past that he told to no one.
Not even Matilda had known what he told to Abigail tonight. While he'd loved her, he'd always lived with the fear that she'd find out about his past and be horrified by it. That she'd cast him aside as everyone else had and hate him for the very things he'd done to survive.
But Abigail knew his ugliness.
She felt his scars.
It made him feel all the closer to her. Appreciate her more for not judging him. At least not now. She understood how easy it was to get sucked into a nightmare and how hard it was to get out. To do things you thought were justified and then wake up and realize you'd been duped. Lied to.
Used.
He'd woken up as a Dark-Hunter only to feel like a whore. Like he'd sold his life away for pocket change. And for what? To die alone in the gutter at the hands of his best friend.
He could hide his past from everyone, except himself. That was the hardest part. Even when you tried, forgiveness didn't come easy.
Some days it didn't come at all.
Maybe it would be kinder to let her die so that she wouldn't have to face that agony.
Life ain't supposed to be kind.
True. And God knew, it'd been nothing but a kick in his groin most days. But then there were moments like this one. Perfect moments of feeling close to someone. Of letting their warmth soothe you.