mingled with the hot, lingering pleasure.
He turns and meets my eyes.
“I’m still caught up in your fire,” I tell him.
One finger traces lightly along my side. “I’m caught up in everything about you,” he says, his voice throaty. “You’re so lovely, Elloren. Just...beautiful.” He’s looking at my body with deep appreciation, like it’s a fine work of art. His gaze lifts to mine and the affection in his eyes strikes a chord deep inside my heart.
I hold up my hand and marvel at how the fasting marks have changed, intricate new spirals flowing down my glimmering-green wrist.
Lukas holds his similarly marked wrist up and then traces the lines of my wrist with a fingertip. “Have I brought you sufficiently to heel,” he teases, sending a shiver through me as he traces the line.
I cough out a laugh, and even through our magical thrall, I manage a look of white-hot defiance. “No.”
Lukas’s laugh is low and satisfied. “Good.” He lightly touches the tip of my nose, smiling wickedly before his eyes grow serious. “Hold on to that.” His smile fades, and that ardent fire is suddenly back in his eyes.
Then conflict.
Lukas eases onto his back and stares at the ceiling again, his expression unreadable.
I’m too relaxed from the fire still coursing through me to feel any sting at his withdrawal. The pull of his magic, the wild pleasure of being with him—it all spirals together and sweeps me into a black, dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ASHES
ELLOREN GREY
Sixth Month
Valgard, Gardneria
When my eyes flutter open, dawn is illuminating the edges of the drawn curtains.
Lukas is up. Even in the early-morning light, I can tell that he’s bathed. I smell soap mingled with that deep-forest scent of his. He’s in newly pressed pants, his chest bare as he pulls his belt through the loops.
I stir, disoriented, and meet Lukas’s intent gaze. His eyes flick toward my chest, and I see a spark of interest in them as he buckles his belt.
I glance down at myself and jolt fully awake, mortified to realize I’m completely naked. I jerk the sheet that’s haphazardly wrapped around me up over my breasts.
This is all wrong is my first thought. This isn’t what this is supposed to be. The uneasy remembrance slams down that we’ve never even told each other I love you.
My pulse quickens as my emotions churn.
Lukas is all business. He looks to be thinking hard on something as he grabs his tunic and throws it on, then leans to write something on a list he’s started on the side table. His eyes flick toward me every now and then, his expression unreadable.
Emptiness drops through my center, hollowing me out. I lie there, motionless, my messy nakedness jarring in contrast to his cold, crisp efficiency.
This was a mistake. A terrible mistake.
And even worse, I enjoyed it.
Remorse whips through me, along with the certainty that something precious has been lost to me forever. I run my fingers back to clutch at my tangled hair.
I was supposed to experience this with Yvan. Instead I threw it away on a man who might care for me and respect me, but who’s never once said he’s in love with me.
For escape.
My rational mind is clear that Lukas and I didn’t do this on a whim. That we’ve allied ourselves as true friends to escape from Gardneria and fight for everything that’s good in the world. But I’m unable to escape the fierce tide of grief and emotion as it captures me in its undertow.
There will be no sweet discovering of this with Yvan, everything new and fresh to both of us. No holding me afterward and whispering endearments. It’s lost forever. That first time with someone who truly loves me.
I ball up in the bed, chilled by my nudity, close my eyes, and struggle not to cry.
I want my uncle back. I want to tell him that everything has gone wrong and is spinning out of control. That he was right to shelter me. And I don’t know what to do, because I’m being faced with impossible choices. I want to talk to him and have him comfort me.
I want to go home.
Lukas has gone very still. I can’t hear him moving at all.
But I can feel his gaze on me.
I brace myself, remembering how unsympathetic Lukas was when I was attacked by Icarals in Valgard. How he snarled at me that I had to be tough. I feel like I’ll hate him with an unstoppable fury if he tells me that right