those fears all over again. Insanity. Suicide.
"Depends," he said. "When was the last time you saw her?"
I gave him a light punch. "You have no clue, do you? You're making this up as you go along."
He caught my wrist and pulled me closer. "Isn't that the way you normally operate?"
I grinned in spite of myself. This close to him I could appreciate just how lovely the green of his eyes was. In fact, despite continually making fun of him, I couldn't deny that the rest of him was pretty good-looking too. His fingers were warm on my wrist, and there was something kind of sexy about the way he held it. Thinking back to Deirdre's words, I tried to assess how it all made me feel. The queen's warnings aside, Adrian was a guy who was technically available. Was I attracted to him? Did I get a thrill out of this?
The answer: no. Not in the same way I did with Dimitri. Adrian was sexy in his way, but he didn't drive me wild the way Dimitri did. Was it because Adrian was so readily available? Was Deirdre right about me purposely wanting relationships that were impossible?
"You know," he said, interrupting my thoughts, "under any other circumstances, this would be hot. Instead, you're looking at me like I'm some kind of science fair project."
That was exactly how I was treating this, actually. "Why don't you ever use compulsion on me?" I asked. "And I don't mean just to stop me from getting in fights."
"Because half the fun of you is that you're so difficult."
A new idea occurred to me. "Do it."
"Do what?"
"Use compulsion on me."
"What?" It was another of those rare shocked Adrian moments.
"Use compulsion to make me want to kiss you - except you have to promise not to actually kiss me."
"That's pretty weird - and when I say something's weird, you know it's serious."
"Please."
He sighed and then focused his eyes right on me. It was like drowning, drowning in seas of green. There was nothing in the world except for those eyes.
"I want to kiss you, Rose," he said softly. "And I want you to want me too."
Every aspect of his body - his lips, his hands, his scent - suddenly overpowered me. I felt warm all over. I wanted him to kiss me with every ounce of my being. There was nothing in life I wanted more than that kiss. I tilted my face up toward his, and he leaned down. I could practically taste his lips.
"Do you want to?" he asked, voice still like velvet. "Do you want to kiss me?"
Did I ever. Everything around me had blurred. Only his lips were in focus.
"Yes," I said. His face moved closer, his mouth only a breath away from mine. We were so, so close, and then -
He stopped. "We're done," he said, stepping back.
I snapped out of it instantly. The dreamy haze was gone, as was the yearning in my body. But I'd discovered something. Under compulsion, I had definitely wanted him to kiss me. Yet even under compulsion, it hadn't been the electric, all-encompassing feeling I had when I was with Dimitri, that feeling that we were practically the same person and were bound by forces bigger than both of us. With Adrian, it had simply been mechanical.
Deirdre had been wrong. If my attraction to Dimitri was just some subconscious reaction, then it should have been as superficial as that forced attraction to Adrian. Yet they were completely different. With Dimitri, it was love - not just some trick my mind was playing on me.
"Hmm," I said.
"Hmm?" asked Adrian, eyeing me with amusement.
"Hmm."
The third "hmm" hadn't come from either of us. I looked across the hall and saw Christian watching us. I separated from Adrian, just as the bell rang. The sounds of students pouring out of classrooms rumbled through the hallway.
"Now I can see Lissa," said Adrian happily.
"Rose, will you come with me to the feeders?" asked Christian. He spoke in a flat tone, and his expression was unreadable.
"I'm not guarding you today."
"Yeah, well, I miss your charming company."
I told Adrian goodbye and cut through the cafeteria with Christian. "What's up?" I asked.
"You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."
"It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."
"What the hell kind of therapy are you in?"
We reached the feeders' room. Somehow, despite him getting out of class early, there were still