The Secret of You and Me - Melissa Lenhardt Page 0,97

happened,” I said.

“Sure what it looks like.”

“If the condom hadn’t broken, I would have gone to Nora. Begged her forgiveness.”

Charlie shook his head and looked at me in disgusted amazement. “You never loved me. You used me. All this time.”

“I did love you.”

Charlie waited as if hoping for more. When nothing came, he walked out of the room.

I exhaled. It was over. Done. I reached out for the dresser to steady myself. Now I needed to find the words to tell Logan before Charlie did.

I practically ran out of the room and down the hall. Charlie stood in the kitchen, filling a Ziploc bag with ice. He closed the freezer door, balanced the ice on the back of his injured hand and pulled a beer out of the fridge. He realized he couldn’t open it and motioned toward me. “Do you mind? Or are you desperate for a drink?” I opened the beer for him. The kitchen lights were dim, softening Charlie’s sharp features. He drank the beer, keeping his eyes on me. “We meet Avery and Mark tomorrow at one. The fund raiser is next Friday night. There’s lots to do.”

“Charlie... I... I just told you I’m gay.”

He laughed. “You told me you messed around with your best friend in high school and got caught. Lots of people experiment.”

I stared at my husband in wonder. If there hadn’t been a bag of ice on his hand, I would doubt the angry conversation we had five minutes earlier had happened. “It wasn’t an experiment. I love her. I’ve always loved her.”

He set his beer down on the counter and took my hand. His was cold and slightly damp from the bottle. “Look, Sophie. I know you struggle with mental illness—”

“No, I don’t.”

“—lying, manipulation, addiction. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised there’s a sexual aspect to your sickness as well.”

“Being gay isn’t a sickness, Charlie. It’s who I am.”

“Obviously, AA isn’t enough for all of your problems. I’ve never wanted to mention this, but I think it’s time you went to see a shrink.”

“A shrink? What are we, in 1950? Yeah, I probably should have gone to therapy, and maybe I will. But, here, now, you aren’t listening to me. I can’t live this lie anymore. I want a divorce.” I finally said it. If I’d have known about the feeling of lightness, of relief that would follow, I would have done it years ago.

“That’s not how this works, Sophie. You don’t get to manipulate me, trap me into a marriage, lie to me for years, and then ruin my reputation and future by waltzing away with your dyke lover. Being married to you has been a nightmare, but I’ve stood by you. Through it all. You. Fucking. Owe. Me. You want to eat pussy? Fine. Do it on the side. Out of town. I don’t care.”

I flinched at how he turned my time with Nora, something beautiful and full of love, into something crude and dirty.

“But, you aren’t leaving, and we aren’t getting a divorce.”

With sudden clarity, I realized there was a ruthless, vindictive side to Charlie I’d never seen because he’d never lost in his life.

“I’ve betrayed you, and you want to get back at me by making me miserable.”

“Miserable? How is your life so miserable?” He swept his arm around the house. “You live in a beautiful house, you wear designer clothes, you have a wonderful daughter, and a good career. I’ve supported you in absolutely everything. I’ve been an equal partner in parenting, and you know that is not the fucking norm around here. I’ve done everything I can to help you overcome your addiction. Have I ever, once in our marriage, said no to you? Or discouraged you from doing something you wanted to do?”

I looked away and shook my head.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you.”

“No.”

“Now, you think I’m being unreasonable for being angry at being betrayed for twenty fucking years? Just listen to yourself, Sophie. Jesus Christ. I’m not the bad guy in this situation.”

“You’ve never been faithful.”

“Because you hate having sex. Now I get why. Do you realize we went nine months without having sex once? Nine months. I mean, come on. But, I never even considered leaving you.”

“Because you love me so much, or a divorce wouldn’t look good for your political future?”

He exhaled sharply. “Believe what you want, I don’t care. But, after all I’ve done for you, you owe me some goddamn public loyalty, and you can start by helping me plan