The Secret of You and Me - Melissa Lenhardt Page 0,98
this fund raiser and winning the election.”
A year and a half. That’s what Charlie was asking of me.
“You’re right, Charlie.”
I love you. It’s always been you.
A year and a half of penance for my betrayal.
“I owe you.”
You’ve got a lot of fucking baggage.
A year and a half of lies, of not being myself. A year and a half of worry that someone would out me.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you get the future you’ve worked so hard for.”
I’m offering my heart. My soul. Can you offer me a future?
No, I can’t. Not right now. I have debts to pay, only after will I be free of guilt and clear of conscience to be my true self. The woman Nora would get now would be riddled with guilt. Nora deserves better. She deserves my honesty, and then the decision of what our relationship would or wouldn’t be will be up to her.
“Good,” Charlie said.
“On one condition.”
Charlie laughed. “I hardly think...”
“Promise me you won’t tell Logan.”
He took a drink from his bottle, then showed a great deal of interest in the label. When he said, “I promise,” without looking at me, I knew he was lying.
twenty-six
nora
I spent all day Sunday watching Emmadean and knew within an hour that she was sick and trying her darnedest not to show it. She was her usual, cheerful self, laying out defrosted funeral food on every available space in the kitchen.
“Emmadean, this is an estate sale, not a potluck.” I snagged a sausage ball from a Tupperware container.
“You’re selling the freezer, or have you forgotten?”
I swallowed the dry sausage ball and followed it with a swig of coffee. “Oh.”
“And, we’re not letting this food go to waste, what with you leaving tomorrow.”
She wouldn’t look at me, hadn’t looked at me full-on since she arrived. I put my arm around her shoulders. “We need to...”
She moved out from under my arm, unsteadily. She caught herself on the back of a chair. “Is Sophie coming?”
“I doubt it.”
“Are y’all on the outs again?” She sounded irritated.
“Honestly, I don’t know what we are.”
By lying to Charlie, I’d given Sophie the ability to stay closeted if she wanted, or to come out.
I hadn’t answered Sophie’s texts because it was her life that would be upended, and I didn’t want her ever to doubt her decision, to ever be able to point to my influence during an argument and say, if you hadn’t... I expected her texts to change when Charlie told her about my lie. When they didn’t, I assumed it had worked. Charlie had believed me. When she hadn’t shown up by 2:00 a.m., I knew it was over.
“You need to stop being so damn stubborn, Nora.”
“What? Me?”
“Yes, you. If people don’t do what you want them to do, you write them off. I love you, Nora, I do. But, you’re one of the most selfish people I know.”
I choked on another dry sausage ball. Why was I eating them? I drank more coffee. “That’s unfair.”
“Is it?”
“I could have told Charlie everything last night, forced Sophie’s hand, but I didn’t. After all she put me through, I think that was pretty goddamn magnanimous.”
“All she put you through. Have you ever considered what she’s lived through?”
“Of course I have.”
“Humph.”
“Sophie knows I love her.”
“No, you don’t. Love means making sacrifices, putting others before yourself most of the time.” She looked me in the eye. “When was the last time you did that?”
“Yesterday, when I lied to Charlie to protect Sophie’s secret.”
“You lied to Charlie so you wouldn’t have to decide to stay or not. It’s all up to Sophie now, isn’t it?”
Jesus, it was easy to forget what a gift of discernment Emmadean had. She sure knew how to puncture my high opinion of myself. Of course, this wasn’t just Sophie’s decision. Mary and Emmadean were right; I am incredibly selfish.
Madison and Hunter ran into the kitchen and launched themselves at Emmadean. She laughed and hugged the troublemakers with one arm, the other tightly holding on to the back of the chair for balance. Mary and Jeremy walked into the kitchen. “Kids,” Jeremy said, “Y’all are too big to barrel into Emmadean like that.”
Mary surveyed the table. “Ooh, sausage balls.”
“Sorry, Emmadean,” Hunter and Madison said.
“You’ll never be too big to hug me, just a little gentler.”
“Are you feeling okay this morning?” Madison petted Emmadean’s arm and looked up at her with her brown, soulful eyes.
“Yes, angel. I’m feeling fine. What can I get for you two to eat?”