to let me keep using it and I was proud that I had still resisted the urge to check my emails and log into my social media accounts. The life I was living in Wynmouth might not have been the completely idyllic one I had imagined when I booked the cottage, but the real world, the trappings of technology and having to do everything at breakneck speed, felt like a million miles away and I was very happy about that.
‘I’ll come back later tonight then,’ I said, hopping down from the stool. ‘That way we can check the details together and make sure we’re all happy with it.’
Hope waited outside while I dropped my notebook and lists back at the cottage and then we ambled down to the sand and turned towards the beach huts.
‘How did things go at the weekend?’ I asked her. ‘Sam looks as tired as you’re feeling this morning.’
I hoped she realized I was asking about the appointment and not the more intimate details of their time away. Thankfully, she did.
‘It went well enough,’ she sighed, ‘but he was in quite a lot of pain after the travelling. This new leg is going to make all the difference to him.’
‘In what way?’
‘It’s going to be a better fit, for a start,’ she said, ‘and that will mean he can come and walk on the beach without worrying about how far he can get before he has to turn back.’
I hadn’t thought about that before, but now I realized I’d never seen Sam all that far from the pub.
‘So why is this current one so uncomfortable?’ I frowned. ‘Surely, they have to be carefully measured up, otherwise they wouldn’t fit at all?’
‘It was fine to begin with,’ Hope confided, ‘but now it’s worn out and so he’s invested in a hi-tech new model through a private company. He took some persuading though, believe me, and it’s costing a fortune.’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘he did mention the cost before. I got the impression that he was worried about diverting funds from the pub.’
‘He never puts himself first,’ Hope tutted.
‘But why?’ I asked. ‘We all need to look after ourselves and when we’re talking about something as vital as a limb . . .’
‘Why do you think?’ Hope cut in.
‘Oh,’ I said, the penny dropping, ‘I see. It’s survivor guilt, isn’t it?’
‘Exactly,’ she confirmed. ‘As far as he’s concerned, he deserves to suffer.’
‘But that’s . . .’
‘Ridiculous,’ she said. ‘I know, but getting him to accept that it’s ridiculous is impossible. I’ve been trying for years.’
I knew Sam would never forgive himself for what had happened, but he needed to move his life forward. Joe and I might not have discussed the situation at length but I could tell that he was in a very different place to his old friend and that was probably because he had moved away and carved out a life that didn’t involve constant reminders of the past. Mental scars were tormenting enough, but Sam had physical ones too.
‘I had hoped this new leg and being pain free might alter his mindset a bit,’ Hope sighed, ‘but there’s no chance of that now.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because Joe’s back, of course,’ she said, sounding resigned. ‘And if local gossip is to be believed, then he could be here for a while, for good even, and Sam’s spirit has dropped through the floor as a result.’
‘And I don’t suppose I’ve helped, have I?’ I swallowed. ‘I daresay because I’ve been out with Joe a couple of times, Sam thinks I’ve picked a side.’
‘No,’ Hope said quickly. ‘I’m sure he doesn’t think that.’
I wasn’t sure I believed her, but then perhaps Sam didn’t think enough of me to care. After all, at the end of the day, I was just a holidaymaker renting his cottage, hardly lifelong buddy material. I wouldn’t have been surprised if I had read too much into our friendship. I mean, I’d been wrong about the spark of attraction, hadn’t I?
‘And anyway,’ Hope shrugged, ‘it’s no one else’s business who you go out with, is it?’
‘I suppose not.’
‘Did you know Joe and I used to go out?’ she then said, sounding almost shy. ‘Did he tell you that?’
‘No,’ I said, ‘no, he didn’t.’
That said, thinking back to the night in the pub and how the colour had drained from his face when he spotted her behind the bar, I should have guessed.
‘We were a couple for quite a while,’ she told me. ‘We were only young,