of Kenshire. He needed to find Clara.
Now.
26
C
lara paced back and forth. The night before had been a disaster. After resolving to bury Alfred forever, she’d been so excited to speak with Alex. To ensure he felt the same way about her. Though he’d never used the word ‘love,’ neither had she. She’d finally felt ready to be completely open with him—and to plan for the future.
And then, Lord Edmund.
His words had been a stark reminder of why she’d spent so long in disguise. She’d put everyone in danger, and why? Because she wanted to wear a gown again? Her vanity would lead to her discovery, and though Alex and the others thought it safe, she wouldn’t risk their safety.
“Lady Susanna?”
Emma’s voice. She didn’t want to speak to her, but neither could she remain locked in her bedchamber all day. Especially since it was, in fact, Emma’s room.
She thought of the night before, after Emma had escorted her back to her room. As expected, he had come to her within the hour. But she’d not answered his knock. Not willing to wake everyone and alert the entire castle to his presence, he’d left after a few persistent knocks and pleas to open the locked door.
She’d successfully avoided Faye earlier, but Emma would not be put off so easily.
Opening the door, she offered her friend a hesitant smile.
“Yes?”
Emma pushed open the door, closed it behind her, and planted her hands on her hips.
“Alex is worried. I am worried. Clara—”
“I can’t.”
She didn’t know exactly how to put it into words, but she knew that she couldn’t face Lord Edmund again. “I can’t present myself with him here.”
“Can’t,” Emma challenged, “or won’t?”
“It hardly matters—”
“Clara, it matters more than you realize. I asked you to reconsider, and you did. I was so pleased, as were Alex and Sara and Geoffrey—”
It only served as a reminder that far too many people had become involved in this.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, meaning every word. “I never meant for you, for them—”
“Clara, we care about you. Come down with me. We can—”
“I’ll do it,” she said, startling Emma. If she gave Emma any reason to suspect her plan, her friend would have Alex up here immediately. It would be easier to see him with others around. Clara didn’t know if she was strong enough to face him alone.
He might not love her, but her feelings for him were not ambiguous. The thought of leaving him, walking away knowing she may never see him again. . .
She could endure a disguise. She could endure a life on the run. She could even endure the crude comments and high-handedness of those who would hire her to squire. But life without Alex, without his easy smile and gentle touch. That, she did not know if she was strong enough to endure. But what other choice did she have? As long as she stayed here, Clara was in danger of discovery. And as much as Sara proclaimed otherwise, no one could ensure she—and those who’d knowingly harbored a traitor’s daughter—were safe.
It was the only certain way to protect them.
But she’d need to find a way to leave without anyone suspecting, and if that meant venturing below stairs with Emma, then she would do it.
Still surprised, Emma pulled her along until they were in the great hall. The tables were already being cleared.
“Are you hungry?” Emma asked. “I can ask Cook—”
“Nay.” She looked around but didn’t see anyone other than servants.
“He’s already in the training yard,” she said. “Shall we go there—”
Clara shook her head. She was surprised he had not looked for her this morning. It would be easier not to see him again, but part of her was disappointed. She would need to change and gather her few belongings. . .
“Lady Susanna.”
The voice was one she knew well. Clara spun around and watched Alex walk toward her from the back of the hall.
“I’d thought you and Geoffrey—” Emma started.
“I came back to speak to Lady Susanna.”
He did not smile nor jest. His expression was grim, and Clara’s breath caught when his gaze found, and held, hers.
He could not know. If Alex suspected her plans in any way, he would not stop until he had changed her mind. Which she absolutely could not do.
“Oh?” she said. Clara gave Emma a look that clearly told her to stay.
“It seems every time you are near, I have urgent business to attend to,” Emma said to Alex, completely ignoring Clara’s pleading looks.
With that, Emma walked