and embarrass him, even if I am mad. Even if I want to, the way he’s looking at me, I’m not sure I could pull away. Because as angry as it’s made me, the kiss also lifted some of the weight I’ve been feeling in my chest. Leaving behind a lightness that allows me to breathe easier, allows my lungs to move freely.
Luckily, he decides for us. He clears his throat and pulls away, sliding his hand down to my palm and holding it a moment before walking backward, our fingers slipping away between us, like lost feelings I’ll never be able to grasp again.
Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Ayden’s handsome, smart, kind, funny, amazing. All of the male adjectives a girl dreams about, he’s them. But that’s just it, my mind only thinks of him in adjectives, and not feelings. I think pushing our relationship into this strange phase might ruin my emotions.
Maybe it’ll pass.
Maybe I’ll die awkward.
We’ll never know.
“I’ll see you later,” he promises in a heavy whisper with a lazy smile.
I give a small, tense smile back to him and as he jogs to his chainsaw. I hear one of the men ask him a question with a loud barking laugh as I start walking as quickly as possible to the kitchen. As much as I almost liked our little moment, I have slop to serve and Mrs. Hollis isn’t going to be happy I’m late.
I run the whole way there, but it doesn’t help. I’m still late. Mrs. Hollis puts me on gizzard duty as punishment. I spend my whole morning pulling the insides of chickens to the outside. It’s slimy and disgusting and almost makes me want to stop eating meat … for at least a few hours.
During my work of mutilating chickens, my mind keeps replaying the kiss. It’s silly of Ayden and me to become attached. More attached than we already are. In a few weeks, he’ll be gone and I’ll be here, alone. But maybe that’s why we should become … attached. Both of us will be alone for the rest of our lives unless, by some miracle, Micah is found. Do I want to live my entire life not knowing what love really is? My mother did, and she seems happy. As happy as you can be when you’re surrounded by bloodsuckers all day.
At the thought of the bloodsuckers, my mind replays Forty-four’s words. Be sure. Of what? Did my mother tell him something? A lie? It’s very likely. I still don’t know why she wanted me to go into the hybrid’s work chamber. My only assumption would be to manipulate Shaw in some way.
Be sure.
Not only am I thinking of the words and their meaning, but I can’t help but break apart everything about him. The way his clear eyes pierced into mine. The way his lean body angled closer toward me. The way his voice sounded raspy and deep ... And pained. His pain seeps into my own chest, and the heaviness returns. I can’t help but feel a sort of sorrow for his life. It makes me hate Shaw even more.
“Did you get on Mrs. Hollis’ bad list too?”
I turn, dripping chicken guts all over the tile floor, and find Emily pulling on gloves to join me. She’s my age, small and delicate like she might break if pushed too hard. Eyes like honey meet mine and I find myself glad to have her company.
“I was late this morning. I guess I’m just lucky she didn’t report me,” I say, returning to my bucket of slime.
I don’t have any strikes, but tardiness counts. Three strikes and you’re out, dragged off to a government facility behind bars. Secluded and kept away from your family, friends, and any form of life in general.
Her voice is smaller now, if that’s possible. “Hollis caught me stealing bread last week. She said she wouldn’t report me if I promised it wouldn’t happen again and if I worked additional hours in the kitchen for a month.” She doesn’t meet my eyes as she confesses, and I don’t shame her for her words. Hollis is actually doing her a huge favor, and she knows it.
Emily had an illegal birth two years ago. She kept her pregnancy a secret out of fear of fetus termination by the government. The village allows babies to be kept once they’re born, but the family has to live in a working camp.
Emily kept a growing secret for close to