has it been since your parents passed?” He deftly responds, like he’s used to dealing with comments about his family.
“I want to say eternity because it feels like it.” I know I sound crazy, and I swallow the thickness that forms in my throat against the memories that insist on pushing forward. I hate how every time I think of my past, it only comes with sorrow and agony. Maybe one day I’ll look back on things and smile about them.
But who am I fooling?
I don’t know how long we sit in front of the fire, listening to the men talking about a battle they shared where Crius got stuck in a tree. I missed the part of how he got up there, but they were all howling with laughter. If I feel out of place among them, I can only imagine how hard it must be for Nikos.
Part of me is trying to work out if this is why he asked me to go off with him to the witches alone last night. “Why did you ask me that question last night?”
If he is nervous about my question, he doesn’t show it or even look over to the others. “Have you made up your mind?”
“No, but I’m curious.”
He studies my face, his expression morphing into something blank, something distant. He’s climbing to his feet.
I narrow my gaze at him in question, unsure what that’s all about.
“You should get some sleep,” he tells me. Next thing I know, he strolls away from the guys and across the dark shore to the water’s calm edge.
A twinge jabs in my stomach. All I can picture are his green eyes filled with so much emotion that it lulls me into believing he cared about me. I cut my gaze to the three men who all stroll out to their friend by the water, and I study the way they bring him into their conversation, taking their wineskin to him. I truly believe they don’t see him as the outcast as much as he probably does himself. Nikos may feel like a bit of an outsider, but the Alphas make an effort to include him.
My thoughts drift to Jae, and my chest tightens at how much I miss her and Kaira, and suddenly memories resurface of the times after we lost our parents. How after Lovis brutally killed our father and took his place as pack Alpha, he came to tell us they finally found our mother in the woods. How she was naked and broken. I can’t wipe from my memory the softness in his eyes at announcing she was dead like he cared… yet there is no doubt in my mind he was the one who murdered her. And then he watched Martell try to do the same to me.
I tremble with how much I detest him. I loathe all of those spineless assholes, and yet I lived under their command for years, put on a smile every day to keep my sisters safe from the man who took everything from us. Part of me wonders if doing that—seeing him every day and being reminded of what he took from us, while I did nothing—has broken something inside of me.
I suck in a deep breath, my eyes pricking, a shot of adrenaline driving through my veins. But I won’t cry… not for those bastards. My wolf simmers just below the surface, still whimpering for a connection with Martell, and an emptiness billows in my chest. I straighten my spine, needing to find a way to make my wolf see we are never going back to that murderer.
My throat and eyes burn with that pressing ache that always reminds me I’m not good enough, that I don’t know what I’m doing. Most days I don’t let it bother me, but others, like today, the pain comes quickly and leaves me in ruins.
I hold myself tight, then grab my coat and drag it over me as a cool breeze blows past, sending the flames into a wild sway. That’s when I notice Ragnar strolling back into camp, his gaze finding me. I blink my eyes to drive away the tears.
I crane my head back, staring at him, while my mind swirls on the past, on losing my sisters, on being so alone it threatens to suffocate me.
He’s barefooted, wearing black pants and a loose-fitting sandy-colored shirt. The fabric is crumpled yet still shows the outline of his muscles. He is a powerful Alpha, his