her.
"You haven't called me Nixxy in a long time," Kira said, looking up at him.
She stood on the terrace off the suite Graydon and his people had procured. In the dark, Jin nearly blended in with the night, only the odd flicker of light reflecting off his metal body.
"You left Phoenix behind when you made the Wanderer your home," he said.
She had. She'd tried to bury the parts of her that had made the Phoenix such an effective weapon.
"You sound like you miss her," Kira said, feeling vulnerable. When she'd chosen not to return to the Curs, she'd never considered how Jin might feel, taking his presence for granted. He was the one constant in her life.
Perhaps she should have made more of an effort to figure out what he wanted.
"I do sometimes," he admitted. Seeing her expression fall, he rushed to add, "I know why you left her behind. You had to keep your promise to Elise. You had to."
She nodded. Yes, she had, but perhaps she could have found a better way.
"That life was killing you, slowly but surely. Everyone could see it," he told her. "They might not have wanted to admit it, even to themselves, but they did."
By the end of the war, she was a walking shell of her former self. Her light and humor gone, leaving nothing behind but a vicious animal—dangerous to everyone, including herself.
Elise had been a Cur, her best friend, her sister, and the woman Raider loved more than life itself. Before she'd gone, she'd made Kira promise to survive, to live for all those who hadn't.
So, Kira had, even when some days it felt like she was abrading her skin with volcanic ash as she struggled through one hour after another.
Eventually, it got easier. She started to feel again. She reclaimed the tiny bits of herself she'd lost. It hadn't been easy, but she'd never stopped pushing forward.
Being around Raider and Jace and the new Curs, she found herself asking if she'd done the right thing. Maybe there had been a way for both sides of her to survive.
She didn't know.
The Phoenix had been glaringly bright, a shining beacon whose light attracted everyone to her until it flickered and went out.
Kira knew the Phoenix was her, but some days she couldn't even remember what it felt like to be that person.
"She's not dead, you know," Jin said. "I've seen echoes of her through the years. Here, I've seen more of her than I have in a long time."
Kira didn't move, turning his words over before tucking them away for consideration at another time.
"Tell me what you found," she said.
"The Curs are safe. Angry, but unharmed," he said. "Raider was talking about staging a breakout. Jace talked him out of it."
"Where does he think he'll go?" Kira asked. "It's not like the Tuann will let them take one of their ships."
"It seems your commander was right. There is a ship waiting outside Tuann space. I suppose Raider thinks a drop ship might be capable of slipping through the defense net."
Not unless the Consortium had extremely advanced technology Kira didn't know about. A waveboard might work, but you could only carry one person at a time on those and there'd be no way to get enough waveboards to the surface of the planet without risking detection.
"Anything else?" Kira asked, knowing there was more.
"The Nexus is the one place in the Citadel with the starmaps."
"Can we get in?"
"It'll be difficult."
"But not impossible?"
He hesitated. "I'm not sure the risk would be worth the reward."
Kira nodded. She understood his reservations. If she were caught trying to infiltrate that area, or worse, stealing the data inside, she would likely be treated as a traitor. Any protection that came from being one of their lost children would disappear. They'd take it as evidence of human subterfuge and likely kill the rest before ending the alliance.
No pressure or anything.
Her head tilted as she squeezed the railing in front of her. She'd waited too long to give up now. Those starmaps could be the answer to everything.
"I'll be careful," she promised.
Jin was quiet, his silence carrying weight to it. "Perhaps it's time to let this go. It's been long enough."
"No, I won't do that," Kira said forcefully. "I can't. You know why."
Jin's sigh was sad. "You know they wouldn't want this. They'd want you to move on with your life."
"Maybe, but I can't give up," Kira said. "Just like you wouldn’t if the situation was reversed."
Jin made a soft