He nods. “I thought I should be searching. I was out of the military. Christian was engaged; everyone was looking to me to follow suit. It made sense that the next step was to find a wife.” Xander glances at me. “Sorry, that’s horrible to say, that I approached it like shopping for something on a list, but I was trying to do the right thing for once. But that was selfish. It wasn’t best for India, and I hurt her. It was the completely wrong thing to do, for both of us. That I deeply regret. And I told India that when I ended things. That I was so sorry I put her through that.”
“Did you pick India because she was an aristocrat?” I ask quietly.
“Yes. I thought it made sense to find somebody who understood this world,” Xander continues. “Because it’s brutal. The press will come after anyone I bring out in public. They will hound you. Try to dig up dirt on you. Talk to your exes, former coworkers, anyone who will say anything about you, true or not. They will follow you. Ambush you. Say horrible things about you to get a reaction on camera. Go through your bins—and I’m not joking.”
I bite my lip, knowing without a doubt that everything he is telling me is true. Nausea attacks my stomach as I try to picture myself living that life.
It would be awful. No, worse than that.
It would be living a nightmare.
Xander turns to face me, his expression pained. “Poppy. Do you understand what could happen to you if we continue to date? If we get serious, eventually, we would have to go public. And this would be your life.”
All the warmth is sapped from my body, and I shiver with fear. I know everything he is saying is true.
My head should be screaming at me to run. To get out now. Save myself and my heart and continue in my life as it is. But my head only tells me one thing.
I’m not going anywhere.
As I sit next to Xander, learning more and more about him, as this brave man is baring his soul open to me in a way most men never could, my feelings for him are growing. His strength, his brutal honesty about his past and mistakes, the truth about what it is like in his world— he is sharing with me because it’s important to him that I understand this before making a choice. And this tells me so much about him as a man.
About what is in his heart.
And I only have one thing I want to ask him.
“What made you realise that you needed to end it with India?” I ask.
A confused expression passes over his face. “What?”
“What made you break up with India? I need to know.”
“But wh—”
“Xander, I’m asking for a reason. Then I’ll come back to what you just said, I promise.”
“Liz. Liz saved me from myself. She told me I was an idiot, and I deserved to be in love. I fought her, asking who would I find in the real world that would take me on? That would see me as someone other than Prince Alexander and the illusion that makes up my image? She assured me I would find real love. And that wasn’t with India.”
My heart pounds against my ribs. “I see. So you ended things because you hoped you could find love.”
Xander’s gaze shifts from confusion to tenderness.
“Yes,” he whispers. “So I broke up with India. And now I’m here with you.”
“And I choose to be here with you,” I say.
“But do you understand what I’m saying?” Xander asks, clasping both of my hands in his. “Think carefully about this. Please.”
“I do understand, as much as I can without living it,” I say, my voice strong. “I’m not saying it’s not terrifying to hear this, because that would be a lie. It does scare me, Xander. But do you know what scares me more? The idea of not seeing you.”
His eyes lock on mine. “Poppy, please be sure about this. I beg you, don’t let this go any further if you don’t think you want to take me on.”
I frame his face in my hands. “Xander. I want to date you. All you have done tonight is show me what a strong, compassionate, amazing man you have become. It makes me more certain than ever that I want to see you.”
Xander exhales softly. I feel his breath against my skin and