smell the Scotch on his lips, and the feel of him, the scent of him, wraps me in comfort and warmth.
“I have to tell you one more thing before you make that decision.”
My heart stops. I’m afraid to ask what it could be after all of this.
“What?” I whisper, stroking his face.
“My mother,” Xander says, his voice rough, “will try to destroy you when she finds out about you. She will be ruthless. You will be the greatest threat to her vision for my future, to her vision of the monarchy, and she will be your worst enemy. And as I say this out loud to you, as I look into your open brown eyes, shining so bright and so genuine, my head tells me I should stop this before you get hurt. Because you will be hurt. And I don’t know how to protect you from it.”
Chapter Fifteen
Spine of Steel
I’m reeling as I see the desperation in Xander’s eyes. Abruptly, he lets go of my hand and launches to his feet. He stands up, Scotch in hand, and begins pacing like a trapped animal.
“Xander?” I ask, scrambling to my feet.
“What am I doing? How can I be such a selfish bastard?” he says, his voice rising in anger. “I haven’t changed. Look at me, willing to bring you into this hell because I want to date you?” He laughs harshly and takes a long drink of his Scotch. “I’m still philandering. But this time, with your emotional well-being. How cruel is that? I want you, so I’ll purposely put you in a position to be torn apart by the press. The public. My mother—and that’s the worst of them all.”
Panic shoots through every inch of my being. I feel like Xander is about to push me away, and the idea hurts so bad, I can barely breathe.
“What are you saying? That we just had this raw, real, honest conversation, where you have laid your heart out for me, and now you’re taking it all back?” I cry.
Xander moves towards the fireplace. He puts his glass on the mantle and keeps his back to me.
“I was wrong,” he says, his voice rough.
Wrong? Wrong?
I stare at his back, anger taking root in me.
Along with my stubbornness.
“Turn around and look me in the eye and say that,” I demand, my voice shaking.
Xander whips around, a startled expression on his face. “What?”
“You heard me,” I say, hearing the anger in my voice. “Look me in the eye and tell me you were wrong.”
“Poppy, please don’t. This is hard enough.”
“You can’t do it,” I tell him, moving closer to him. “Because you know you’re not wrong.”
“You don’t understand what you are agreeing to,” he says angrily. “My mother will make your life hell. Christ, I let my emotions play with my head. I should never have done this. I know she will destroy you. She has been ruthless with both Clementine and Liz.”
“And the last time I looked, they were both not only still standing, but doing well,” I counter.
Xander growls in frustration. “She won’t let go of you. You are the most direct threat to what she wants, and that is to pick who will eventually be my wife.”
I pause for a moment. His wife. Not that I want to be his wife—I mean, I’m still getting to know him—but I see that kind of potential with Xander if things were to keep going like they are now.
And if I were to become his wife, I’d lose everything that is mine.
“See?” Xander says, misreading my mind. “There’s a difference.”
“No, you don’t see. I was thinking how utterly terrifying it would be for me, if let’s say we end up in love and you do want to marry me—which is absurd to say at this point—but let’s just say we work and we fall in love. I would have to give up everything I know. I couldn’t be a biscuit artist, which is something I love. That is hard for me to imagine. As it’s also hard for me to imagine not having my own income, of having to be completely dependent upon another person for everything,” I say. “And those things are scarier to me than anything you have said.”
Xander blinks. I can tell he’s never thought of that. Probably because he has never had the chance in life to pursue something he’s completely passionate about that is purely of his own choosing. Yes, he loved the army, but would he have joined