as the carriage rumbled down the long driveway.
“Juliana!” he shouted, uncaring that he made a spectacle of himself in front of his family and staff.
His heart pounded a viscous beat and his damn throat ached. Why had he wasted time reading the letter and putting on trousers? The carriage stopped, and he saw the curtains by the small window parted and Juliana’s face peeked out.
“Isn’t that your valet?” his cousin asked.
“His valet,” his mother gasped. “The person you chase after in this awful and scandalous state of déshabille is your valet?”
“If I had not been here to witness it, I for one would not have believed a word of it,” Aunt Millicent said in shocked tones. “You are aware you are without clothes, Wentworth?”
“Millie, I cannot understand it,” his mother said fretfully. “He is chasing after the coach that left with his manservant. I…I…could it be this is why he has not shown any lady any regard over the years?”
Aunt Millicent gasped and he could feel their stares, but the only thing that concerned Wentworth was the stopped carriage. Realizing she truly meant to leave him, and without any sort of farewell left him feeling crushed and almost breathless. His chest lifted on a ragged exhalation and his fingers tightened over the damn letter she’d left behind.
That was it, a letter with words showing her fear and her longing. At first, he’d felt a visceral dread that he’d scared Juliana with the intensity of his ardor. But he’d re-read her words, and in a nutshell, loving him meant letting go of her dreams.
The woman he’d fallen in love with had no faith in him. Did she believe the kind of love he had to offer was one so selfish he would only care about his desires?
Have I ever shown her anything else?
He dearly hoped he had, but Wentworth admitted he had been too caught up with falling for her, that he hadn’t explained or told her he wanted to be by her side forever. Nor had he told her, that he would love her eternally or forever long, God would give them as man and wife. And he would damn well find her in the next lifetime.
Robert fished out his pocket watch for the third time, a black scowl forming on his face.
“We must go now, Juliana.”
“I need a few more minutes,” she said, her throat burning.
“I see the turmoil in your eyes, and I do not understand it,” he murmured. “You spent a little over three weeks here at Norbrook Park, and you are conflicted over the earl. Has he offered you words of love?”
The sudden ache in her throat prevented her from replying right away. Finally, she said, “Yes.”
Her brother froze. “And do you love him too?”
She noted that one of his gloved hands was gripping the edge of the carriage seat as if it were a lifeline. Her response mattered very much to her brother and she understood. He was only two years older than her, and they had always been close. At the death of papa, when mama had shut them out in her wild and unstoppable grief, they had anchored each other.
He had been her best friend for so long. The future they dreamed about, they had planned it together. Always.
“Did you not expect me to fall in love one day?” she asked hoarsely.
“Jules,” he began gruffly. “You hate it here in England. We only stayed this long for mother and she is now happy with that bounder she married. He even genuinely dotes on her. There is nothing keeping us here, nothing keeping you here. This…whatever happened with you and him. This was just a fleeting moment. In New York there is everything. Our old friends who are very eager for your return. Our business interests. Papa’s dreams of building a legacy for our future children.”
Her lips trembled with her smile. “I suppose we can only have those children, with people from New York.”
“Home, Julie. Home.”
And then he rapped the roof of the carriage and it lurched into motion.
Wentworth felt as if his whole heart had been ripped from his chest. The carriage drove away, gradually picking up speed as the coachman urged the team of four onward. He had all but run down the steps, ignoring the gravel stones that dug into the soles of his feet. Fucking hell. He stopped when the carriage disappeared round the bend and a row of large beech trees.
“Order my fastest horse to be readied,” he said