lad had returned, admirably composed and unflinching.
How brave you are.
A young miss with delicate sensibilities might not have acted with such equanimity after seeing a naked man on the brink of arousal. He closed his eyes against the memory of that gaze caressing over his body, that look of awe, the blush, and heat in those lavender eyes. That primal and genuine reaction, the rise and fall of her chest, that tight swallow, the hard bite on her bottom lip…surely that was the behavior of a person who wanted him. And he, in turn, wanted her, desired her, more than was rational.
Their attraction was decidedly mutual, and he wasn’t altogether certain what was his next step. Or why it was even necessary for him to take a step forward. Wentworth did not feel like himself. He was enjoying this little experiment far too much, and it had nothing to do with scientific theories and discovery.
His body and heart screamed irrevocably that Julian was a woman, but his eyes still needed the irrefutable proof. He dipped the quill into the ink and scrawled in his journal.
Observation: My valet was most rattled at my naked body. Julian was hardly able to meet my eyes, and a rosy blush suffused his or perhaps her face. The breathing of my subject also became fast and erratic, and then he/she ran away. That could be considered the response of a very missish young lady with delicate sensibilities. So, if Julian is a female, she is an ingénue, not an accomplished light-skirt seeking to find a wealthy protector.
I wonder if one of my friends has paid her to this imposture, some will find that amusing. They think me too staid and obsessed with my books. It would be like Patrick De Vere to send me a beautiful demi-vierge, just out of pure mischief. However, there was a look of arousal in my valet’s eyes, but no understanding or experience was indicated. If she is a would-be courtesan, then she must be an outstanding actress. My valet is clearly more educated than Jeffers or any other valet I have encountered, so why would a young woman of a privileged family risk exposure and her reputation by taking on a male disguise?
I believe my valet was sincere in pleading to not be dismissed from my employment. I got the impression that the subject was frightened by the prospect of being turned off. So if my valet is a woman, what is she escaping from? That leaves me with the conundrum of my own desire for her and my responsibilities to my employees. I should not seduce an innocent or abandon one to unknown dangers. My desires conflict with my own moral standards, whether my valet is male or female and should be kept in check. The dilemma is stimulating and amusing. Although I should probably pay my valet to leave, I am enjoying his or her company very much.
It is still a possibility that my valet is a boy who is uncomfortable with having sexual preferences for his own sex. I do not wish to believe that conclusion, but if that is the case, I have the option to discourage his advances or sack him.
The subject’s return to the chamber immediately following his or her distress showed a temperament capable of rallying swiftly under pressure. It also revealed Julian possessed a mind able to think quickly and who is inventive in tight situations. Indeed the ruse being discovered would have made it difficult for him or her to return to my chamber because of my behavior, but the way in which Julian governed his or her reaction was admirable.
It is easy to conclude Julian has never seen another naked man. His or her fascination and alarm were too pronounced. This, however, is no conclusive evidence that Julian is a lady. As a young lad, educated at home, seeing the body of another naked male is not guaranteed.
Unexpected outcome: The variable I’d not made allowances for was myself. My reaction to Julian’s stare was rather alarming. I cannot recall ever feeling such pleasure at another’s admiration before. Not even Lady Sophia, my most recent lover, was able to elicit half of the desire I felt. From a mere stare. My own reactions bear scrutiny, and so do my responses to Julian. Why am I so powerfully attracted? I am not a creature given over to physical desires, yet I cannot help admiring the prettiness of her features or the