“He wanted to stay here and take care of me.”
“But you’re in remission.”
She nodded slowly. “I think there’s a part of him that’s afraid I’ll get sick again.”
“What do the doctors think?”
“They think I’m in better shape than they are.”
“He was really good,” I said softly. “At climbing, I mean.”
“He still is.”
“I know. I guess I just wish he was out there more.”
“So do I. Which is what I’m hoping you’ll help him with.”
“How am I going to do that?”
“He doesn’t open up to people very often, but I’ve seen him around you.”
I felt a stab of fear shoot through me. Could she possibly know about what’s going on between us? If she did, there was no way she’d be so calm about it.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Maybe he’ll realize that I’m fine and that it’s time for him to live his own life. I love having him around, but he’s done enough. It’s time for him to move on.”
I had a huge range of emotions run through me as we walked back toward the house. I was warm and sweating slightly and definitely ready for a shower.
“This was good,” I said as we climbed up onto the back porch.
“Yeah. We have to do it again.” She paused. “And Becca?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t tell him what I said. I’m afraid it’ll just shut him off even more.”
“Okay. Promise.”
“Thanks, sweetie. I’m going to the store soon. Let me know if you need anything.”
I sat down on the back steps, looking out into the woods as she went back inside. I didn’t know what I wanted or where I was going, but she was right about Reid. He was closed off, although every once in a while I caught a glimpse of whatever was floating underneath his layers of cocky strength.
He was a protective asshole. But he was also one of the best people I had ever met. He was a drug smuggler, but he took care of his sick mom. He was one contradiction after another.
And the mere thought of him made my heart race.
I stood up and went back inside, kicking off my boots and pulling off my light jacket. I went upstairs, my mind already thinking about how great it was going to feel to take a long, hot shower.
I pushed open my bedroom door, not paying any attention as I pulled off my shirt and tossed it on the floor near the hamper.
“Hey, Becca.” I froze and looked up. Reid was sitting on my bed, grinning hugely at me. “Nice tits.”
“Reid, what the hell?”
I crossed my arms, covering my breasts. I was wearing a bra and he’d seen it a hundred times, but still. I felt a little blush come over my cheeks.
“You look good.”
“What are you doing in here?”
He frowned suddenly and looked serious.
“We need to talk.”
“Can I put on a shirt first?”
“Only if you have to. But close the door.”
I pulled it shut. “Is this serious?”
His face said it all.
“Yeah, it is.”
I felt fear jolt through me.
Chapter Twenty: Reid
I woke up in the back of the van, wrapped in three layers of blankets but still cold, as the morning’s first light broke in through the front windshield.
I’d had dreams. I couldn’t remember all of them. In one, I was skidding down a steep hill, the ground turning to sand under my feet. In another, I was climbing up a sheer wall, apparently made of glass, and Becca was strapped to my back. In both cases, I knew that I would die if I ever stopped.
It took a minute to clear my head as the last dregs and images of the dreams began to fade away.
But in those moments, in the half-awake liminal space of partial sleep, where you’re both there and not quite there, your lizard brain running things on autopilot but your forebrain not quite woken up, your personality not fully booted up, the little voice that narrates your life and establishes memory eerily quiet, in that moment the plan came to me.
It wasn’t divine inspiration. It had been simmering there in some unconscious part of my skull, spooling along, my brain putting unused energy into the task of solving the problem, of fleshing it out. For some reason, it took being in that half-awake twilight state to really grasp it.
But when I did, it hit me like lightning.
Initially, I felt elated. For the first time in what felt like years, I could see an end to everything. There was a light at the end of the tunnel,