eternity. When I’m reincarnated, I wonder if I will inherently miss this, since I know what it feels like now?
Carrick’s hand idly strokes my shoulder, his breathing steady and even. He’s abnormally quiet, and I know his heart is heavy with what might happen to me in mere hours.
“If I die,” I murmur into the quiet between us.
Carrick sighs, but doesn’t try to stop me. We talk about death and our future almost every day. It’s not taboo, but I know I’m interrupting his simple pleasure of laying here with me.
“If I die,” I repeat again, pressing my cheek to his chest. “Promise me you’ll keep battling on. You won’t give up.”
“You know I won’t.” I actually hear the words in his chest where they sound low and gravelly, but they’re coming directly from the heart. “And I’ll protect Zora, Rainey, and Myles. I’ll take them to another realm if I have to.”
“And you’ll find me again,” I say, a simple validation that I believe in our destiny together.
“I will most certainly find you again,” he agrees, his arm tightening around me.
My hand comes up, my fingers gliding over his sternum and down his stomach. A lazy stroke—the pleasure of touching him a gift. Profound sadness wells within me, that life as Carrick and I know it will change very soon. These good days are done.
I’m sad for the pain Carrick will feel when I die, whether it’s in trying to stop the prophecy from coming true or in the ensuing days, months, or, if we’re lucky, years that Rune might choose to give us.
There’s no sadness for me, though. I accepted I have many potential fates coming my way, all of which end in death.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel.
I feel too much.
“I’m scared,” I admit to Carrick, glad my eyes can follow the path my fingers are taking down his stomach so I don’t have to let him see the slight bit of shame that admission causes.
He’ll never let that statement pass without looking me in the eyes, though. He rolls me to my back, propping on an elbow to hover over me. His free hand cups my jaw, and his golden eyes are swimming with empathy.
It’s too much to handle, and I’m forced to look away.
His hand tightens on my jaw, a command to grace him with my attention. My eyes slowly come back to his.
“Life is so fragile,” he murmurs gently. “No stronger than glass. And it seems from the moment I met you in this lifetime, that was something you inherently accepted. You lost your parents, and you understood how fleeting it all is. The strength you’ve shown these last few months, especially after learning about this sacrifice you’ll have to bear, is greater than some of history’s bravest warriors. Time and time again, you’ve acknowledged that fate will not take a backseat, and you’ve faced it head-on with not only brute confidence, but also with a graciousness that comes from the beauty of your heart. It’s because your heart is so fucking big and loves so goddamned generously that you’ve been marching forward to greet your destiny without ever taking a moment to be scared. And now… you’re taking it, and I’m here for it. I’m here to shoulder the burden with you. I’ll take on all of your worries, pain, and fear if you’ll let me. I will continually remind you that you brought a demi-god to his knees time and time again, and you are more magnificent than all the gods put together. It’s with that knowledge I know I’ll have to let you go until I find that shining star again. Until then, I hope it’s enough that I will be by your side every step of the way. And if the fates are kind to us, hopefully I’ll be holding you as you leave this world to wait for me in the next.”
My eyes, of course, are swimming with tears. They slip from the outer corners, hit my temples, and slide behind my ears. They tickle as they travel over my skin. Strangely, they ground me just a little.
Carrick doesn’t make a move to wipe them away. He wants me to let them out.
He bends closer, his eyes so intense I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. “I don’t want you to die tonight, Finley. But if you do, I need you to know that I’ll never be more proud of anyone in my life when it happens.