than two strangers who happen to have seen each other naked and in potentially awkward positions. Hookups are all well and good. But when it comes to him, I want more.
“I think I need that shirt,” he says, nodding to a shop window.
“You don’t find the mix of fluorescent leopard and zebra print somewhat aggressive?”
“But they have a dress in that print too. We could match.”
“That would be something.”
“And we’d never lose each other in a crowd.”
“True.” I oh-so-gracefully deal with a string of cheese attached to my chin. In the next shop window are a selection of formal gowns. All of them sleek and beautiful and so not my size. “For a while when I was little I wanted to be a fashion designer.”
“What changed your mind?”
“I suck at sewing. No patience for it at all.”
“Ah.”
“But I would draw all of these pictures and Mom and I would look through fashion magazines and sites together. It was one of our bonding things. That and books.”
High up above, the moon peaks out from behind gray clouds. Being with Beck is, as always, enjoyable. The flow of conversation comes easy as if we’re old friends. Then there’s the way he watches me…it’s safe to say my needs are growing. “Want” is too small and passive a word. I need to crawl all over him, to feel his heat and taste his skin. No matter my fears, it may be time to heed the call to action and make a move. I’ll overthink it first for a while just to be sure.
“What did you want to be when you were growing up?” I ask, dragging my mind out of his pants.
His grin is wide. “Professional skateboarder.”
“Cool. Were you good at it?”
“I know my way around a half pipe.”
“So what changed your mind?” I ask.
The line between his brows returns. I hate that line. He stares out at the palm trees and sighs. “It’s just a stupid kid’s dream, right? Like wanting to be an astronaut or a fireman. You grow up and realize that’s not how life works. Just because you like the idea of something doesn’t mean you’ve got what it takes to make it to the top in that field.”
“I don’t know about that. Don’t people now have three to five different careers over the course of their lives?” I ask. “You said you already changed the road you were on. What’s another diversion if it leads to possible future happiness?”
“Pretty sure even busboys earn more than most skateboarders.”
“You may have a point.” I wave my fist at the sky. “Damn you, adulthood, with all of your inevitable debt and bills and endless cycles of existential crises.”
He smiles. I made him smile. Victory.
A big fat drop of water hits my cheek. Sure enough, the heavens open and down comes the rain. We run for cover beneath the shop awnings. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have taunted the gods.”
“Perhaps not,” he says.
“If skateboarding isn’t your destiny, then where do you see yourself in ten years?”
He makes a humming noise. Much thinking is obviously going on. “Sitting on a porch with you watching our children frolic in the front yard.”
“Oh, we’re having children now, are we?”
“Guess that’s up to you.”
I shake my head. “This time answer the question seriously.”
“Okay.” He sighs. “The grim reality is, I’ll probably be back in Denver working for the family business.”
“The one you’re currently AWOL from?”
“Yep. This pleasant break from all of the bullshit will end eventually. I’ll go back and do what’s expected of me.” And he doesn’t look happy about it either. “What about you?”
“I don’t know. I think I’d like to do some post-grad study. But the cost involved…” I let the thought dwindle away. One day I’ll figure it out and find my motivation. Stop being the runt of the family. My brother is in IT and is doing great. But then, he was always top of his science classes. Meanwhile, I had my nose in a book and my head in the clouds. Real life can be hard for a dreamer who lives mostly inside their own head. Or maybe it’s just bouncing back from disappointments that takes longer. Hard to move forward when your mind has a penchant for torturing you by reliving your worst moments and undermining your confidence. Sometimes I really am my own worst enemy. One day I’ll grow up, get a better job, and be a great success. Make my parents proud. Anytime now would be good.
I finish the