you’d be okay without me.”
“I’d be alone without you. And you’d be alone without me. Is that what you really want?”
“Sometimes alone is safer.”
“Sure,” he says, tipping his chin. “I can say I’m not going to hurt you and mean every word. But things happen. Life happens. Us being together, trying to make this work, is a risk. I happen to think it’s a worthwhile one and I’m hoping you do too.”
And then it hits me. “You’re afraid of being alone.”
“No, I’m used to being alone. I’ve spent most of my life alone. And I’ll take alone over being used or lied to any day of the week.” He swallows. “But I’m betting that you’re not out to do either of those things. I’m betting that you’re the sweet funny woman I met in a shitty bar in LA whose smile made me a little crazy. Who laughed at my stupid jokes, invited me to her favorite diner, and held my hand when we walked on the beach.”
“Beck…”
“I lay awake for hours thinking about you. Couldn’t get you out of my head.” His smile is pure. There’s no other word for it. “I hadn’t planned on hanging around in LA. But I had to go back for more.”
“I was so scared you’d leave. I’d only just met you, but…” And I don’t mean to say it, however, my idiot mouth just blurts it out. “This is all moving so fast. Apart from the sex, I mean.”
Nothing from him. The expression in his eyes, however, is one of worry. It makes my heart hurt to see him this way. I rise and head over to his couch, curling up next to him. He slides an arm around my shoulders, drawing me close. Together is definitely better, he’s right about that.
“You’re not alone.” I cover his hand with mine. “I’m here, Beck, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Okay,” he says, voice low. “Thank you.”
“Selah is an idiot. You’re already the dream guy without the money or the name. You’re officially too good to be true.”
“Officially, huh?”
“Yep.” I rest my head against his shoulder and watch the flames. We’ve both had enough real, angst, and honest for the time being. “Doesn’t mean I’m agreeing with your whole philosophy of abstinence making the heart grow fonder or the relationship grow stronger, however.”
“Just because you disagree doesn’t mean I’m giving you the d.” He taps his bottle against mine before downing some beer. “I think spirited discourse and an occasional disagreement is healthy in a relationship. Yay, us.”
“Yay,” I say drolly.
Beck kisses the top of my head before resting his cheek there. Everything is going to be okay. I’m like fifty-seven percent sure of it.
CHAPTER SIX
Beck avoids my going to bed and waking up attempts at enticing him into sex by simply being absent. He stays up late working in the office then is gone by the time I wake. When I text him, he says he’s at the gym then heading straight to work. But I will not be deterred. Just because other relationships he’s been in hit the wall doesn’t mean we necessarily will. And he can’t avoid me on the mattress forever. It might be big, but it’s not that big.
Emotions-wise, we feel more stable after the discussion the night before. Which doesn’t mean it’s still not all a terrifying risk, but here we are. Everything is scary if you look at it the wrong way. But I want to keep looking at him and listening to him and lying next to him for a good long time.
It turned out, Selah had found my clothes and they’re in the walk-in closet along with all of the new stuff. Thank fuck for that. I’ll have to remember to thank her. Though it kind of irks me to acknowledge any of her good deeds, after Beck’s story last night and her part in the father’s machinations. She hurt my boyfriend. Not something I’ll forget anytime soon.
While I don’t mind being tidied up a little, I am not down with having the original version of me erased. They actually did a great job on the clothes and stuff. Most of it seems to be in the colors I like and not so far afield of my own style that I don’t recognize myself anymore. Of course, there’s a few things I’d rather remove a limb than wear. But all in all the personal shoppers know how to do their jobs. As you’d expect from anyone who