said calmly. “I’ve escaped death a few times now and there was nothing. No regrets. No fear. No pain. I didn't give a damn that it was about to end.” He was silent for a few moments. “But this last time was different. Your face appeared before my eyes, right before everything went black and a million thoughts assailed my mind in a matter of seconds. I had a moment of clarity. There were many regrets for how I treated you and the time I wasted. I wanted another chance, but I knew it was too late. I was going to die and you would hate me forever.” His gaze traveled somewhere distant. “When I woke up in the hospital, I couldn't remember how I got there. Then I realized there were a lot of things I couldn't remember.”
“Like our marriage...” I interjected.
“Si,” he whispered. “They told me I had a wife, and I felt guilty because I kept thinking about the shy waitress from that restaurant.”
I arched my eyebrows in surprise. “It never occurred to you that it could’ve been me?”
“No. You were the last woman I expected to see walking through that door. I was certain I would meet the kind of girl I was supposed to marry, but when you appeared in the room, I felt like the luckiest man alive. And I thought to myself. She’s mine. Nothing else matters...only you weren't mine, Olivia.”
“What do you mean by that?” I demanded quietly.
“You were distant and cold. You weren't concerned for me like a wife should be. It didn't feel right. I got the feeling you were hiding something, and I could tell you just wanted to be away from me.”
“I was scared out of my mind,” I confessed in a whisper.
“I know, Olivia,” he revealed and gave my knee a gentle squeeze. “Everything clicked into place the moment I remembered.”
“When did you remember?” I couldn't help asking.
He was silent for a moment, then he licked his lips. “The night you showed me your scars...and shared your pain,” he said in a grieved voice. “You sobbed in my arms like you were falling apart. And I felt like the worst scumbag on the face of the earth, even though I had no fucking idea what had happened.”
“Once you told me I deserved it...”
“I know, cara,” he muttered and cringed. “It was the very first thing I remembered and I was immensely ashamed of myself. You didn't fucking deserve it. I only said that to soothe my guilty conscience. It happened because you hurt me and I wanted to hurt you back. I never expected you to pull a trigger on me, Olivia. Let alone do it thirteen times in a row. If I ever needed a confirmation of how much you hated me, I got it on that occasion.”
“You were about to order Trisha's murder.” I stood from my chair and paced. “I only did it because I wanted to save her...”
“But you also wanted to save yourself?”
I stopped behind the chair I just occupied and gripped the wingback upholstery. My gaze locked on Alessandro still crouched in front of me. “I did....at first,” I confessed with a breathless sigh.
His brows knit together. “What do you mean, at first?”
Emotions boiled inside me and simply spilled forth. “Being married to you was like being trapped in hell and I wanted to escape.”
“Even if it meant sleeping with another man?”
I shrugged. “What do you want me to say? I was that desperate. If you remember, I backed down at the last moment because I couldn't do it, not that it made you reconsider the severity of my punishment.”
He smiled sadly. “It was a test and you failed. If you ignored Lorenzo's proposal and stayed at home, I would’ve trusted you and it would’ve earned you more freedom. If you thought I intended to keep you imprisoned for the rest of our lives, you were wrong. I wanted you to do things that made you happy, but I had to know you could be trusted. Whenever I gave you a chance to demonstrate your loyalty, you proved you wouldn't hesitate to stab me in the back. I won't lie to you, tesoro. I was very hurt and felt betrayed.”
I snorted without humor. “You want to talk about feeling hurt and betrayed? I never put you through any damn test. I could never relax because everything you said or did always turned out to be a trick. Every gesture you ever