Alessandro sighed and stood to his feet. “Cara, there is not much I can say in my defense, except that it’s the only way I knew how to be. Trust is a big word in my world and you don’t give it blindly. It’s how Gabriele raised me. But you taught me those rules don’t apply for every situation. Definitely not for our relationship.” His black eyes bored into mine. “Now tell me, what did you mean when you said you wanted to save yourself at first?”
I expelled a long breath. Alessandro was beyond perceptive and when he wanted to know something, he couldn’t be distracted from it. “What do you think?” I tried to sound unbothered and hold my own against him. “I wanted freedom at first, but then I reconsidered my options.”
“And there weren’t that many?” he concluded.
“No. Not that many,” I whispered. “As a matter of fact, there were only two possible ways to escape. One of them has already proven to be impossible.”
His eyes narrowed. “I must admit I’m intrigued, but I don’t quite understand what you mean.”
My mind clouded with distant memories and my lips twitched into a sour smile. “If you can’t escape with your body, you can always escape with your mind.”
“Cara?” Alessandro’s narrowed eyes suddenly widened and a shuddering breath flared through his nostrils. “Please don’t tell me you considered…”
“No, not really,” I said simply, knowing exactly what he meant. “But there was this one occasion I felt quite tempted...”
“When?” he breathed, his face frowning with utter shock and disbelief.
“That night when you beat me with your belt,” I spoke in a measured emotionless voice. I then glanced away, unable to meet his eyes because the hurt settled right back into my chest. “You ran me a bath when we came home and you just left...I was so shattered, any you just left. When I entered the bath, I submerged myself under the water. I did it often because those muffled sounds of waves were always soothing, but that time...for a second…I just wanted...”
“Olivia…” Alessandro’s alarming voice made me look up at him. “What did you do?”
“Nothing much.” Tears constricted my throat at the bitter memory. “But I just really wanted to revel in that peace and make the pain stop.”
His face paled with recognition, and he staggered back until he hit the desk. “No,” he whispered.
“It was more of a fleeting thought.” I shook my head, then sighed. “Obviously I didn’t do anything. I didn’t dare to think about it, let alone go through with it. I feared you might take it out on May or my father. It was bad enough what happened to Trisha was my fault.”
He crossed over to me in two purposeful strides and cupped my face. “Cristo, cara, I can’t credit what you’re telling me. I can’t believe I almost lost you to my fucking stupidity.” He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against mine. “Olivia, I’m so sorry. Never in a million years would I want to push you to that extent. I might have been cruel, but I didn’t want any harm to fall upon you. Per Dio, you are the most precious thing to me in this entire world. I would trade my life for yours in a heartbeat. How could I have been so blind?” He released a long sigh as though he was furious with himself. “Things spiraled out of control that night in the hotel room. I admit I was beyond enraged—”
“So, you killed Trisha to satiate your anger?” I interrupted.
His face settled into a deeply bothered, apologetic expression. “Olivia, what she’d done was terrible. I would have settled my accounts with her either way,” he explained softly. “I just used her to keep you in check. I see now that I absolutely shouldn’t have and I appreciate the wrongness of it.”
“How did you find out?” I asked, ignoring his last sentence. “I can't imagine she would say it under duress when she must have known it would only diminish her chances of survival.”
Alessandro smiled without humor. “So fucking perceptive, cara. You ought to become a detective. I'm sure Reeves would enjoy having you as a colleague.”
“It's Reeds and I really don't want to talk about him right now,” I snapped. “Please tell me how you found out about Trisha.”
“All right,” he agreed, caressing my face and kissing the top of my head. “Your stepmother had an affair with one of the soldiers guarding the house and