pretend he was still my boy from the creek, the teenager I’d kissed when I had no other way to show him how much I loved him, or the man I’d given my virginity to because I couldn’t imagine ever being with anyone else.
But it was different.
He was different and it fucking sucked because I’d let my Camden disappear in the five years while I had been trying to fix myself.
With a hand under both of my arms, he lifted me with ease, wrapping me in a tight hug as soon as he had me on my feet.
“I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes and buried my face in his chest. “I shouldn’t have done that. And, now, it’s weird. And it was already weird. I just… I’ve missed you. Having you here…” I groaned. “I don’t know. It felt right. But clearly it wasn’t, and now, I feel bad because I made you uncomfortable. And…and…”
He squeezed me tight. “Shhhh. It’s okay. I’m not uncomfortable. You didn’t do anything wrong. I felt it too. It’s just…” He rested his chin on the top of my head. “I’m not available right now, Nora.”
My lids popped open and an “O” formed on my mouth. My emotions were all over the place, so I couldn’t pin down if it was the start of Oh no, Oh shit, or Okay.
The idea of Camden with a girlfriend burned, but it wasn’t a novel concept. I’d seen pictures of him with girls online and lived to tell the tale. Honestly, it made sense. He’d been friendly and attentive since he’d arrived, but the minute I’d crossed the line, he shut down. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it earlier.
In a way, there was a peace that accompanied the thought of him having a girlfriend. It meant all the strange and awkward reactions he’d been having were because of her, not because our friendship had changed or after all this time I was losing him.
He simply had loyalties that lay elsewhere.
Don’t get me wrong. There was a definite knife hanging out of my heart, but I respected him for the way he’d handled himself.
I gave his chest a shove and stepped out of his arms. “Jesus, Cam. Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“I was…waiting for the right time.”
“Well, I’d say you hit the nail on the head. I almost mauled you.”
He looked down at his shoes. “Yeah, phew. Really dodged that bullet.”
“All right, smartass. Who is she? You want to talk about her?”
He slanted his head to the side. “No?”
“Okay, good. You are my best friend, and on any other night, I am happy to listen, but maybe not on the same night I threw myself at you and got rejected.”
Yeah. See? I could totally do this. Though more wine definitely wouldn’t hurt.
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed my glass and then took a long drink, which made my nose burn.
Camden stood in my living room, his blue gaze locked on me, a wrinkle in the middle of his brows. “So, we’re okay?”
I lifted my wine glass in the air. “Absolutely. I’m happy if you’re happy.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Right. Totally happy.”
I kept busy for the next little bit, chatting and warming up the food that had cooled. After a while, his stiff shoulders relaxed and a smile returned to his handsome face. He told me all about his life in New York. Come to find out, he was a criminal defense attorney, and his eyes lit every time he talked about his career.
He was working at a busy firm with the hopes of one day becoming a partner, but he did pro-bono work on the side. He said no one had ever paid him in ham and mac and cheese though, and yes, he actually ate cheese. We sat on the couch with two spoons and shared a pint of ice cream, laughing like old times. Though I still fought the urge to kiss him almost constantly, things felt normal again, and for that, I’d never been more grateful.
He left around midnight, even giving me a hug at the door. I’m talking a good hug. A classic Camden Cole hug.
We made plans for the next day, unfortunately most of which involved a drug test he’d scheduled just to “cover my ass in case we saw the inside of a courtroom.” But he also promised me brunch at my favorite diner in Thomaston, so I didn’t complain.
All in all, it was a fantastic evening of