flip through the pages until I find it, the memory of finishing the song still raw. I hand it to her. The lyrics are burned into my mind. I close my eyes and see them in my head.
Can you see me, can you hear me
From wherever you are now
If I tell you where my heart is
Is it like a broken vow
Though a piece of me stays with you
As I leave you in the ground
I’ll cherish you for always
My love for you profound.
Promises were made, now I turn a different way
Letting go is a fatal blow, but I’ll get through it somehow
I’m letting go
It’s time to grow
I’m letting go right now
So goodbye I say forever
As I put you in the past
You’ll be gone but not forgotten
As I walk away at last
The chorus runs through my mind one last time. It’s hard not to choke up as I remember everything Abby and my daughter meant to me. Hard? Hell, it’s mind-shattering, but after seven long years without them, it is time to move on at last. Abby would understand.
Bria clears her throat, and I can tell she’s trying to control her emotions. “Crew, it’s beautiful. Thank you for showing it to me.”
She hands me the notebook, and I try to give it to Dr. Hardy. She refuses. “The song is not for me. It’s for the three of you.”
“Bria, will you go with me when I give it to her tomorrow?”
“Yes.” Her voice is tremulous.
The moment between us hangs suspended, and I fight taking her hand in mine. This isn’t the time or place, but the promise of better yet to come is there. For the first time in what feels like forever, I look forward to what’s next.
Dr. Hardy smiles. “I’m seeing real progress today, Chris. There are a few things I’d like you to think about before our next session. You’re in a band. That’s not going to change. I googled Reckless Alibi and am impressed by what I’ve seen, but your chosen profession promotes lots of fan attention, both wanted and unwanted. Until you learn how to control less-desirable feelings, you need to rely on external safety measures.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
“Start by researching how other celebrities maintain privacy and security. Your band should have an experienced agent who can advise you and implement those procedures. Having experts to turn to, and making security a project that includes all the band members, not just the two of you, will help you feel safer and less alone with your fears. Although you may be more afraid than the others, it’s a realistic concern for all of you as the attention to your band increases.”
I think about how those men reacted the other night when Brett joined Bria. They backed off, and I was so relieved. I would have been okay with them talking to her as long as he was there. She needs a bodyguard. My face falls. “We can’t afford that, Dr. Hardy. We’re just getting started.”
“That would be an issue, but it’s something to think about. In the meantime I have another option for you to consider, and this involves you both. Consider taking martial arts classes.”
“I know some self-defense already,” Bria says. “My brother made me take classes.”
“Knowing self-defense is not the same,” she says. “In addition to being able to protect yourself, which would help put Chris at ease, there is a component of discipline and focusing of attention learned in martial arts that could help him manage his feelings and make him feel more powerful and in control.”
“Like learn Tae Kwon Do or something?”
For the first time since sitting on the couch, I smile. I love this idea. “What do you say, Bria? Do you want to go all Bruce Lee with me?”
She laughs. “I think that might be fun.”
I already feel better and wonder why in the hell it took me so long to do this in the first place.
I gaze at Bria and remember why I’m here. A lock of her hair falls over one eye, and I have the urge to brush it away. Lyrics dance through my head, and I know as soon as I leave, I’ll be writing another song.
Chapter Forty-five
Bria
Crew laughs when I struggle to walk up the five steps to the stage. “A bit sore, are we?”
“Sore is an understatement. My legs are on fire.”
He takes the steps two at a time, and I resist the urge to punch him in the arm. How can he not