after punch until exhaustion eventually knocks me on my ass.
The howl that escapes my mouth isn’t from the hard impact of my backside hitting the ground, it’s from the sob it arrived with. I’m broken. Fucking wrecked, certain I don’t deserve to live, even more so when Liam’s last words to me ring through my ears.
“I trusted you with her. I don’t anymore.”
“I fucked up. I’m sorry! I didn’t protect her as I said I would.” I scream at the pitch-black sky. “I didn’t keep her safe. It’s my fault. I’m to blame.”
Dust kicks up around me when my fist lands on the ground dotted with my tears. I punch the rock-hard dirt on repeat until the pain ripping through my chest radiates through my hand, then I collapse, giving in as I should have when Liam advised me to.
I’m done. So fucking done.
28
Brandon
I don’t know how much time passes before I wake up groggy and confused. Since my head is pounding as much as my knuckles, I doubt I’ve been out for long.
I scrub a red dirt-stained hand across my tired eyes before pricking my ears. A car engine is breaking through the chirps of birds enjoying the early morning sun. My muscles scream in disgust when I head in the direction the noise is coming from. I’m aching all over, but it has nothing on the pain that rockets through me when I discover the reason for the early morning visitor. A cab is in the driveway. The driver is loading Melody’s suitcases we gathered from the hotel into the trunk.
I can tell the exact moment Melody spots my gawk. Her breathing slows as her hands dart down to fiddle with the hem of her skirt. After exhaling a chest-deflating breath, she hands the driver a bundle of cash, then moves to the back-passenger side door. Her eyes only lift to mine once she has one foot inside the cab. She stares at me for several long seconds, begging for me to run, to fight for her like I did when we were kids.
She swipes at the tears falling from her eyes when my feet remain planted on the ground before she signs, “Goodbye, BJ.”
When the closure of her door is quickly followed by the taxi rolling down the driveway of her family ranch, my heart screams for me to chase her down, to fight, not to let Madden win, but no matter how loud it yells, my feet refuse to budge. I saw the pain that flashed in Melody’s eyes last night. I can’t be responsible for that level of hurt again. I love her too much to gut her like I did when I bolted out of her room like a coward. So, as much as this will kill me, I have to let her go.
She deserves a level of happiness I can no longer give her.
I stand halfway between Melody’s family ranch and the old shed her father and I worked out in every day he wasn’t on assignment for the next twenty minutes. I’m shirtless and shoeless, and my sleeping pants aren’t capable of keeping out the cold winds whipping in from the west. With my determination building, I don’t feel cold.
I can’t feel anything.
I’m dead on the inside.
Needing to distract myself before I put my mother through the pain of losing another child, I sprint into the house as fast as I fled it last night. Within ten minutes, I’ve showered, dressed, and brushed my teeth. I don’t touch the stubble on my chin. The smell of Melody’s perfume in the fine hairs is the only reminder I have that last night did occur. Even if I can’t have her, the knowledge that she wanted me will keep the fire in my gut blazing when I bury myself in the trenches.
As I make my way to my BMW, the quickest flash of silver slows my steps. The morning winds weren’t just freezing, they were brutal enough to whip off half of the car cover keeping the 1969 Hellcat Mr. Gregg and I restored before his death hidden.
This time, I listen to the pleas of my heart instead of ignoring them. After tossing the keys for my BMW onto the driver’s seat, I hotfoot it to the Hellcat. Its battery will most likely be dead, and its fuel will be old, but I can’t help but check. If Kwan is in love with classic cars as much as he is with old horses, there’s