her fingertips over the cover of Noah’s journal. It had fallen open to pages near the middle. Noah’s messy scrawl covered the sheets in blue ink. She’d forgotten about this thing until now. When they’d been on the run in St. Dourdane, she’d noticed him writing in it every day, but when she’d asked about it he’d always avoided telling her what was in it. She picked the thing up and glanced over her shoulder at the door. The best thing to do would be to close it and put it on top of his bag. It wasn’t her business. But when she started to do just that, a few words caught her eye. “Gratitude.” “Thankful.” “Blessings.”
Dammit.
It wasn’t really snooping. Not if the thing had fallen open to this page when she’d tossed it on the bed, right? Wasn’t her fault if she saw what was written there when she went to put it away, was it?
No. it wasn’t. At least that was the excuse she was going with. She started reading each line, her heart swelling with joy a little more with each sentence. This was a gratitude journal. Noah kept a gratitude journal. She wasn’t sure why that made her so happy, but it did.
On each page was the date and a list of five things that day that he was grateful for. She looked at the two pages in front of her, then flipped to the next ones and the next ones. All the days were the same, starting from the time he’d rescued her at the villa until today. The first thing he was grateful for was his life. The second was his health. The third was his family. And four and five? Her and Gracie.
Tears blurred her vision before she blinked them away.
That had to mean something, right? No matter if their arguments told her he didn’t care, Noah must love them, at least a little. A man didn’t profess his gratitude like this every day for things he didn’t care about a great deal.
Noah loved her. Noah loved Gracie. She refused to believe otherwise.
Serena sank down on the edge of the bed and held the closed journal in her hands. But if he loved her and the baby, and was still willing to let them go because of his job, what more could she do to change his mind?
Frowning, she tossed the journal back onto the bed and covered her face with her hands. She’d finally found The One, the guy who was perfect for her and the person she could see herself spending the rest of her life with, except he didn’t want the same with her. Because of his work.
The irony wasn’t lost on her. Up until the day she’d found out she was pregnant with Gracie, she’d never thought about settling down or putting her personal life before her professional duty. Even that night with Noah, as wonderful as it had been, had been a fling. Nothing permanent.
Now, though, all she wanted was forever with him—and he seemed to believe it was impossible because of their jobs.
Frustrated and restless, she finished cleaning out the old knapsack from the villa and set the journal atop Noah’s duffle bag before heading downstairs to set her bag and Gracie’s things by the door. She’d planned to call an Uber as soon as she was ready, but she decided she needed some air first.
She called down the hall toward the kitchen where Noah and the baby were, “Hey, I’m going to take a quick walk around the block. Be back in a few minutes.”
“Want me to come with you?” Noah yelled back. “If you just give me a few minutes…”
“No,” she said, too fast. She actually would love nothing more than to have him by her side, but that was all the more reason to get out of here alone. They’d be saying goodbye soon enough, and then she’d only see him maybe a few times a year on holidays and Gracie’s birthday, if his schedule allowed. It was exactly what she’d said she didn’t want—but she knew she wouldn’t give up the chance to still have him in their lives, even just a little. Still, it would be smart to get accustomed to him not being around. The sooner she got used to being on her own again, the better. “I won’t be long. You stay here with Gracie.”
After tugging on her jacket, she headed out onto the porch. The day was overcast and