I can feel it in my fucking bones. Just have someone check into him for me, see if there is anything fishy. If I need to pay for someone to do it, I will.” I’m pleading with him at this point.
“Fuck!” His fist slams on the steering wheel before he turns to face me. “You are putting me in a really shitty position, Hunter. I can’t promise anything. I’ll ask around.”
I nod my head at him, silently thanking him. “I owe you one.”
“Yeah, you fucking do. Now get the hell out of my car.” I run up Brian’s steps, knocking on the door, anxious to see Sam.
Brian answers the door. “Well, look at the jailbird. You flew the coop already?”
“Yeah, real funny.” I push past him and walk inside.
“She is still asleep upstairs. I’m sure it has to do with the fact that she went through a shit storm yesterday; also that Jules turned the house into Margaritaville. I swear that girl just might be the death of me. I panicked when she called me last night, drove here in less than half the time. With all of this stalker mess, I was scared that they weren’t safe here alone.”
We walk into the living room, sitting down on his couch. “Bri, I don’t know what to fucking do. I am so goddamn scared that something will happen to her. It consumes my every thought, and everywhere we go, I’m paranoid. I can’t lose her.”
“I know how you feel. I lived in hell the six years I was separated from Jules. I couldn’t imagine feeling like I might lose her for good. When you love some—“
“Love? I didn’t go that far, brother. I don’t…I can’t.” I scrub my hands over my face. The mere mention of that word cuts me to the core. Loving someone gives them the power to crush you, to destroy every inch of your being. I know that Sam loves me. She said it the other night, but I can’t. “I’m not made for it. I’m not good at it. I am too selfish, and too self-absorbed to put someone else before myself.”
“Really? So throwing yourself on top of her when you heard the gunshot. That was you putting yourself first? Helping her out with her she devil mother. That’s you being selfish? Stressing yourself out about how to keep her safe. That sounds self-absorbed to me. You are none of those things, but you are scared. If you spend your life running from shit that might be, you will never have anything happen.” He looks at me dead in the eye. Brian is never one to bullshit you, so I know that he means what he is saying.
I look up at him. I get what he is saying. I know he’s right. “If I let myself go and stop holding back. If I love her, I won’t be able to handle losing her. I barely survived losing Amy, Bri. I can’t lose someone else I love.” Did I just admit I loved her? Do I? I think back over our time together. About the way I feel whenever she is close to me. The way I feel when I’m away from her.
“Go get your girl. I’ll take Jules out to lunch.” Brian stands up and starts to walk out of the room before turning around. “You know, I didn’t peg you to be the next one of us to settle down. I thought it would be Ryan.”
“Yeah, I was probably at the bottom of your list.” I think back to the way I have lived my life, bouncing from one meaningless girl to the next, never once caring about anyone.
“Nope, Mason would be last on my list. He is more fucked up than you by far.” He shakes his head at me before leaving. After a few minutes, I hear the front door shut.
Sam is upstairs. I want to go to her. I want to tell her how I feel but I can’t make my legs move.
The last time she saw me, I was in the back of a cop car, and I ignored her. I couldn’t even look at her. I was ashamed that I let that asshole get to me. I reacted just as he thought I would. Since they were taking me away, Sam was left unprotected and I hated myself for that. I wasn’t mad at her. I was pissed off at myself but I know she probably didn’t know that. I