Even if it was only for a moment. I won’t disturb you again.”
He carefully opened the door and let himself back in. Patience was left alone. The sun still warmed her back, but her heart had gone cold. Her brother had just given up on her. She had seen him do the same with Mama. He never spoke to Mama unless she directly asked him a question, and even then it was only short answers. Patience was a disappointment and would remain a disappointment for the rest of her life. Her chest tightened, but she shook it off.
Stomping forward, she threw open the door. “I could learn, Nicholas. I don’t always have to be this way.”
Sometimes she was serious. She didn’t necessarily like it much. After all, Nicholas’s seriousness had brought him no joy as far as she could tell.
Nicholas was still in the kitchen, one hand on the countertop, head bent low. “No, Patience. I’ve been much too lenient while Mama was gone. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to behave the way I want you to. You will be a much happier person than I, never knowing that there is a dark world outside that would eat you up in a single sunshine-filled afternoon. Look at Mother. She hasn’t stopped singing since she came home.” A high, jaunty note wafted in from the music room as if to prove his point. Patience couldn’t make out the song, but it was not the melancholy tune one would expect from a widow.
A sense of calm overtook her, and she raised her shoulders. “I’m stronger than you think, Nicholas.”
“You might be, but when would you ever get a chance to prove it?”
When would she? Nicholas was terribly frustrating, but he was also almost always correct. She had no way to go out and experience the world like Nicholas. She could try to get a position as one of Queen Victoria’s ladies, but she didn’t love politics, and it seemed that was a prerequisite to the position. Not to mention that being at court was most likely not at all the kind of place that would prove to Nicholas she wasn’t flighty and unprepared to meet hardships head-on. She knew she could be a stronger person, but how was she supposed to show that to Nicholas? His ideas were to have her sit at home and not make life harder for anyone else. Was that really going to help her?
“I’ll prove it now. I’ll start following Rebecca around and helping with her duties.”
“She would never actually let you do any real work. You must know that.”
Bother, he was right again. Rebecca would never allow Patience to dirty her hands. Her dress was stained now, but that was only thanks to Patience enjoying herself. If she were to, say, beat a rug or carry dirty buckets of water? No, she would never get the chance.
She would need to go somewhere where no one knew who she was. A trusted family that would be certain to not abuse servants but would expect her to get all of her work done each day. A family Nicholas would respect, so she could prove to him her capabilities.
“I’ll serve under General Woodsworth, just as you did.”
Nicholas’s hand went to his forehead. “You are a woman. No unattached woman of any repute would be allowed near his armies. What you are speaking of is impossible, and it just goes to show how naive you are if you think that is even an option.”
“Not in the army, Nicholas. I will serve in his household.”
He took a deep breath and then slowly released it. “As what? What position would he offer you in his household? You make no sense.”
“I’ll be a maid.”
He laughed, a sound Patience hadn’t heard for months, if not years. She remembered liking it better before. This laugh was not about mirth; it was pure derision.
“You don’t think I can do it?”
Nicholas stepped away from the counter and strode to her side. He towered over her in a way he must have learned in the army. “I know you can’t. And not just because you lack every imaginable skill to be a maid.”
“How else would I gain those skills if I don’t become a maid?”
“You aren’t a maid.” Nicholas leaned over her. “You are the daughter of the Duke of Harrington.”
Patience leaned forward into him, poking his chest with her finger. “If you want to be precise, I am the sister of the