of truth had shown me that I’d been cowardly, shirking my more difficult responsibilities, and now it was time to step up.
More than nervous, I reached for the dreamthink. Once a boon to my troubled mind, the state where I could revel in Calanthe and my connection to Her, the dreamthink felt heavy, fraught, and prickly. Full of death and the screams of the suffering. People, animals, plants, soil, the sea—all fouled with violence and despair. And worst of all, Calanthe hungering with avid greed for more.
I flinched from it, from my own guilt and from the pride that had me shunning any sign of weakness, from asking for and accepting help. And I faced my own greed, the craving for control that led to the lust for power, the blood hunger that devoured, uncaring what it killed. I’d felt this, drinking Con’s blood. I wanted to dance, to run and be free. Not to be captive, serving as a rock for the parasites that crawled over my skin.
I flailed against the bonds that held me, seeing myself strapped down as the wizards had confined me, bound to their altar of stone, bleeding me dry. I would not be contained! I roared my defiance, my determination to escape and break free. The wizard in purple pushed back his cowled hood, his beak curved and sharp, amber eyes bright with intelligence.
“Merle,” I breathed. “Merle, help me.”
Merle, with a very serious and concerned expression—though how I could see that on his raven’s face, I didn’t know—inspected the bonds restraining me. I pulled at them, pouring strength into it. The table under me cracked, and it seemed I felt the world tilt on its axis. Merle spread his wings wide, the cloak falling away, and the giant raven threw himself over me, pinning me down.
I flailed, determined to escape, but also confused. Was I supposed to help Merle?
The wizard in blue robes approached, funneling magic to Merle. The bonds grew stronger again, though I managed to free a hand—not a hand, it was a cluster of twigs? Oh yes. I remembered. But I had the orchid still, and I used that power to fling them away from me. Both wizards went flying, one taking flight on black raven’s wings.
“Lia,” the wizard in blue yelled to me. “You must take over for Merle. Remember what you are here to do.”
Ambrose’s voice? In my confusion, I stopped fighting, and the bonds coiled around me again. No, no—I wanted to be free. Magic surged through the orchid, rich and redolent, the sheer force of nature pouring out. All the might of wind over water, the erosion of stone over time, eons of life, the finality of death, the most unstoppable power of all.
I was too powerful and they could not bind me any longer. Roaring my triumph, I broke the last bonds, leapt from the table to the floor, but it crumbled beneath me. People screamed, shrieking as they fell into the sea.
Then Con stood before me, face serious and full of love. He held a crimson ribbon in his hands—and I remembered with a rush the excitement and unexpected freedom of being bound. “It can be good, too,” he said, in his low voice. “You liked it. You wanted it. You still want it. Trust in this.”
That was true. Truth. Yes, I had agreed to accept the bonds, to lie down in this world and allow my children to live and prosper. “You fed Me blood,” I told him.
“And always will,” he replied. “Will you accept the bonds?”
“Yes, because I love you.”
“I love you, and so I put my bonds upon you.”
And then I was binding myself, weaving the ribbons around my limbs. Careful so they’d be comfortable. Firm so they couldn’t be broken. I smiled at myself, feeling that love and trust. “I do this for you.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
As the bonds tightened, as I allowed them to comfort and restrain me, I fell into an easy sleep, dreaming of the orchids that would bloom from me. They didn’t have to live on their own, because they had me.
“Love you, my daughter,” I murmured.
“I love you, Mother.”
I came back to my fleshly body with a start.
We stood in the tunnel, lit only by Mother’s lantern. She watched me curiously, and warily. Ambrose stood straighter, a cheerful grin on his face, his gaze roving over me with patent delight. And Merle sat on his shoulder.
Ambrose and Merle, there in that chamber. Helping me