with her. And now she thinks I changed my mind. That I don’t love her the way I fucking love her. The way I never wanted to love anyone but now it’s too goddamn late. I’m stuck in this so I can either face it and try to scavenge some happiness out of it and pray she doesn’t eviscerate me down the road or walk away now.
I already know I can’t walk away from her. Not if she truly wants me the way I want her, so I guess that settles that.
My hand trembles and my body quakes as I look up into Maia’s dark eyes. I hand her her phone and without a word I storm off, heading in the direction of the beach. I can’t be around any of them right now. First, I call Eden’s phone, already knowing it’ll be off since she’s on the plane. Still, the second her sweet voice hits my ears in her pre-recorded greeting, I sag with disappointment. I get the beep and then I freeze, my voice lodging in my throat.
What the hell am I going to say to her?
“Eden… I’m… shit. I’m sorry. I need to say this to your face dammit and you’re already on the plane and I… I was wrong, okay? I was so very wrong. I saw what I thought I saw and he… it doesn’t matter. I should have talked to you and I didn’t because I was furious and bitter and so goddamn—”
A loud beep sounds in my ear noting the end of my allotted time.
“Heartsick,” I say, finishing my sentence.
I go to text her, but I can’t tell her the things I want to tell her like this. I pace a circle before I set off back to the beach, typing as I go.
I’m sorry. Send. I love you. Delete. I can’t picture my life without you, and I fucked up. Delete. I never meant to fall for you the way I did and now that you’re gone, everything feels wrong. I need you back like I need air to breathe because when you left, you took my fucking heart with you and now I’m dead. I stare at that, my finger hovering over the blue up arrow to send the message. But god, how unfair is that to do to her after the things I just said. After the fact that she’s mourning the loss of her best friend’s parents—people she’s known her entire life.
I delete everything once more, staring at the blank text box. I’m not the poet like Jasper. I’m not the whimsical creative one like Gus, and I don’t have the heart that Keith does. All I had was her. A firework breaking through and lighting up my dark sky with all her color.
I never wanted to be him. Sick with a love that had no antidote.
Necrotic and decaying from the inside out. But now there is no turning this off. It’s Eden.
My feet hit the sand, the granules crunching under my weight and slipping between my toes until I reach the cool water as it glides up to meet me. I stare out at the vast ocean beyond me without seeing any of it. No. Instead I picture her. Her face as she told me she hoped I’d be happy with all my bullshit rules and promises.
I’m not. I’ve never felt so tortured and helpless.
For the first time in my life, I understand him. Not the things he did. That I’ll never understand or come to grips with. He can die a thousand painful deaths for what he did to me.
But this feeling? Yeah, that I can get.
Only… I don’t regret falling for Eden. And I sure as hell wouldn’t change it.
I back up a few paces and drop down into the sand, hiking my knees up and raking my fingers over the finely ground rocks.
“Men are so freaking stupid,” Maia grouses from behind me only to join me in the sand a second later. I pause my ranking to glare at her. “What, Henry? Don’t look at me like that. You are.”
“I know. But you telling me things I already know isn’t going to help.”
“You’re looking for guidance?” She laughs out. “I was a virgin who crashed into a rock star, moved in with him after only knowing him a few short hours, was crazy enough to fall in love with him, and then get knocked up with his kids. Not one, but two.”
“You’d do it all