card, the High Priest. “He’s this one.” She held up the Emperor. “Authority. Wisdom. Experience. The strong father. The good father. And I see you with him.” She placed the Empress card next to the Emperor. “And I see this, too.” She laid down a card, a naked man and woman cavorting. The Lovers.
“Not for a while,” she said. “This case has killed my sex drive.”
“I give that about five minutes.”
“Hey.”
She held up the Lovers tarot card. “Don’t blame me. It’s in the cards.”
Laughing, Nora reached for the Emperor card.
“Can I tell you something crazy? My mom and I never—I mean never ever in my life—got along. Oil and water from birth. Anyway.” Nora swallowed, steadied herself with a breath. “After we found out about Father Murran and Melody, I wanted—” Nora slapped a hand over her mouth hard, silencing a sob that seemed to come from nowhere but in fact came from deep, deep in her heart. “I wanted my mom.” She laughed at herself, laughed at her crying, laughed at her stupid, useless wanting. Mercedes didn’t laugh. She waited. “My mom. S?ren’s mom. Any mom. Why the fuck do mothers have to go and die five minutes before you figure out how much you need them?”
Mercedes reached out and put her hand over Nora’s.
“I’m a mom,” she said softly. “And it’s going to be all right.”
Chapter Forty-Six
Good Saturday. Cyrus and Paulina on his boat in Lake Pontchartrain. He wore khaki shorts, no shirt, enjoying the lake breeze in the late summer heat. Paulina had on her black bikini and lay on the deck on a yellow-striped beach towel.
He must have been quiet too long because Paulina stretched out her arm and wrapped her small, delicate hand over the top of his big bare foot.
“What’s on your mind, Daddy?”
“You. Always.”
“Oh, come on.” She smiled as he pushed her sunglasses up off her eyes.
“They knew the cop that shot me was dirty,” he said. “Had a file thick as a brick. Racial profiling. Police brutality. Harassment. They knew he was dangerous, and they let him keep his badge until he shot me. And they knew Ike was dangerous, and they let him keep his collar, let him around little girls even. This ever gonna end?”
“If it does end in this town, it’ll be thanks to men like you.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
The boat rocked gently under them, easy and steady. A breeze blew by, and it smelled like the ocean on a clear, cool day. He’d always loved it out here on the lake. He’d even taken Katherine out here on one of their only real dates. The other “dates” had been in her bedroom.
“You mind if a make a call, baby?”
“Of course not. Nora?”
“Katherine.” He paused, steeled himself. Honesty was getting easier for him, but it wasn’t easy yet. “You know she and I had a little thing right before I got shot.” She sat up and looked at him. He went on, “I want to make sure she’s okay.”
“I think you should,” Paulina said. She squeezed his foot, let it go.
He walked to the bow where his phone was stashed in his duffel. She picked up on the first ring. She didn’t even say hello when she answered. Her first words were, “Please don’t tell me there’s more.”
“No more,” he said. “I think.”
“Good. Great.” She exhaled. “I’m almost sorry I got you into this.”
“It was my choice.”
“True. I guess what I mean is…I’m sorry I got me into this.” He heard her soft, sad laugh, then a sigh.
“You doing all right?” he asked.
“Okay, I guess. You?”
“I might not be going back to Mass for a while.”
“Paulina’ll let you get away with that?”
“She understands.”
“She’s been really good for you, hasn’t she?”
“Yeah, yeah she has.”
“Glad you’re okay. Look, I’m about to go. Did you—”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“What?”
“I’m sorry, Katherine. I’m sorry for treating you the way I did. Especially when you came by the hospital, and I acted like—”
“Like you didn’t know me?”
“Mom was there, but that’s no excuse. I could have told her we were friends, at least. She thought I was seeing someone else and it—never mind. Like I said, no excuse. I treated you like shit, and you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry. Genuinely.”
A long silence followed. Then, “Wow. This case really did get to you.”
“It did, yeah,” he said. “You don’t have to forgive me or anything. I’m not asking for that. I just—”
“I forgive you.”
He didn’t know how much he needed to hear that