wasn’t doing exactly what he’d told her to do.
He should know her better than that by now.
Claire slid the wedding ring off her finger. She placed it in front of the camera on top of the fridge. She turned around to face the sheriff. “I know what happened to Julia.”
Huckabee was a heavy breather, obviously a long-time smoker, so it was hard to tell whether or not he sighed or just exhaled normally. “Did your mother tell you?”
Claire leaned against the fridge so she wouldn’t sink to the floor. She felt the shock of his statement, but worked to keep the turmoil off her face. Had Helen known about the tapes all these years? Had she kept it a secret from Claire? Had she hidden the truth from Sam?
She tried to bluff Huckabee again. “Yes. She told me.”
“Well, I’m surprised by that, Claire, because your mother said she wasn’t ever going to tell you girls, and I’m finding it hard to believe that a woman like that would go back on her word.”
Claire shook her head, because this man knew there were videos of her sister being brutally murdered and he was lecturing her like she was twelve and he was disappointed in her. “How could you keep it from me? From Lydia?”
“I promised your mother. I know you don’t think much of me, but I honor my word.”
“You’re talking about your fucking word when I’ve been haunted by this for twenty-four years?”
“There’s no need to use that kind of language.”
“Fuck you.” Claire could almost see the black hatred spewing from her mouth. “You kept saying she was alive, that she’d just run off, that we’d see her come back one day. You knew all along that she was never coming back, but you gave us hope.” She could tell he still didn’t understand. “Do you know what hope does to people? Do you know what it’s like to see somebody in the street, to chase after them, because you think she might be your sister? Or to go to the mall and see two sisters together and know that you’re never going to have that? Or to go to my father’s funeral without her? Or to get married without—”
Claire couldn’t go down that road, because she had married Paul, and the reason that Lydia hadn’t been by her side is because Claire’s husband had tried to rape her.
Huckabee said, “Tell me how you really found out. Was it the Internet?”
She nodded because that seemed most believable.
He looked down at the floor. “I always worried the tapes would get put out there.”
Claire knew she should get rid of the sheriff, but she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “How did you find out about them?”
“Your father’s apartment. He had one of ’em loaded on his video player while he did it. I expect that’s what made him …”
He didn’t have to finish the sentence. They both knew what her father had done. Now that Claire knew Sam Carroll had seen the tapes, had been watching them while he put the needle into his arm, she finally understood why. She could very well imagine her father wanting to end his life as he watched Julia’s being taken from her. The act had an appealing kind of symmetry.
Was that the reason Helen had concealed the truth? Was she afraid that Claire would find copies of the tapes and end up following in her father’s footsteps? And Lydia—poor, fragile Lydia. No one saw it at the time, but her addiction had never been about the high, it had been about the escape. She had been actively seeking ways to destroy herself.
Claire asked the sheriff, “What did you do with the tapes?”
“Handed them over to a buddy of mine was in the FBI. We always wondered was there copies. I guess now we know.”
Claire looked down at her hands. She was twisting her finger even without the ring.
Huckabee said, “You ain’t gotta try and trick me, gal. She was your sister. I’ll tell you the truth.”
Claire had never wanted to physically hurt someone so badly in her life. He was acting like he’d been willing all along, when Claire had contacted the sheriff countless times over the years asking if there were any new updates. “Then tell me.”
He smoothed down the edges of his mustache as if he needed time to figure out how to go about breaking her heart. Finally, he said, “Fella in the movie was part of some kind of ring that