living under the same roof as me. Plus, my brilliant plan, if I do say so myself, did exactly what I wanted it to. It convinced Gordon Price that, yes, Colin and I were getting divorced, but there was nothing easy or planned about it.
Gordon Price correctly assumed that one does not willingly give up a very fat sum of money to one’s husband if love isn’t involved. I’ve told quite a few lies regarding my marriage. That wasn’t one of them. I do love Colin.
“Oh, Char,” Kurt says sympathetically as he sees my eyes watering. “No, no. Not that again.”
“I’m not crying,” I say, sniffling into the napkin he gives me.
“You are too. Is it for the guy or because you’ll miss me?”
I honk out a laugh. “You. It’s definitely because I’ll miss you.”
“I know you’re lying, and I’ll take it. Lewy! Bring the cheese puffs!” Kurt calls into the kitchen.
“I thought you went gluten-free. And vegan,” I say.
“Lewis said the diet gave me the grumpies, so I gave it up,” he says, getting a fresh tissue and dabbing at my eyes.
“Here we are,” Kurt murmurs soothingly as Lewis brings a bowl of Cheetos into the room. Kurt picks one up and feeds it to me, and I eat it with a laugh. Salty, processed cheese snacks will solve none of my problems, but Kurt feeding them to me like some sort of mama animal at least distracts me for a while.
“I, for one, can’t wait to see what’s next for you, but I know you’re going to crush it,” Lewis says, sitting beside Kurt, who’s feeding me another chip.
“Thanks, Lew,” I say around the Cheetos.
Kurt tries to navigate my wine to my mouth, and I take the glass before it can spill. “I’ve got this part. Thanks.”
“You’ll come back to visit, right?” Kurt says.
“Of course. And seriously, you’ll let me know everything I can do to help get the condo sold? Realtor fees, cleaning fees, all of that … I want to pay it all.”
“Can you?” Kurt says teasingly.
“I’m not poor, just half as rich,” I point out.
“Do you think he’ll actually keep the money?” Kurt said. “That’d be pretty shitty.”
“For that matter, why didn’t you guys just agree to break the prenup from the beginning, do whatever had to be done to exchange funds, and then … hand them back after?” Lewis asks.
“Wonderful idea, Lewis,” I say a little tartly. “Would have been a little more wonderful had you come up with it two months ago.”
“You know what I think,” Kurt says, giving me a little finger waggle indicating that I should listen up. “I think you didn’t think of it because you secretly wanted to go back to New York. And he didn’t think of it because he saw you again and realized his wife is super-hot.”
“Fantastic theory.” I point my wine glass at Kurt. “One you should totally tell his new wife.”
Kurt and Lewis both wince. “Do you think you’ll get invited to the wedding?”
“Probably,” I mutter. “Colin out of guilt, Rebecca to rub it in.”
“Would you go?”
“At the moment? It feels unfathomable. But I don’t even know when it is. If I find a Thor-like date before then … sure.”
And then, because I’m human and heterosexually female, I give myself a little moment of fantasy, imagining Colin’s face if I really did show up with Thor. And because Lewis and Kurt are homosexually male, they let themselves fantasize too. I know, because they both sigh, “Thor,” at the exact same time.
“And you really haven’t talked to him?” Kurt asks with a wistful smile.
“Nope.” I toss back the rest of my wine and hold my glass out for more.
Lewis nods approvingly. “You blocked him?”
“Nope,” I say again.
“Wait.” Kurt holds up a protesting hand. “So he hasn’t even tried to get in touch? No email? No text? Nothing?”
“Well, to be fair, I did leave without saying goodbye,” I point out.
“If you left divorce papers and your wedding ring on his kitchen counter, that was definitely a goodbye, babe.”
“Exactly,” I say, waving my hand, trying to ignore how bare it feels without my beloved ring. “I could not have been more clear about where we stand, so why would he get in touch? There’s nothing to talk about.”
“But you’ll have to talk to him eventually,” Lewis says, as he pours me more wine. “I mean, you said the guy’s practically a surrogate son of your parents. Surely your paths will cross again. Oops! Hold that thought …”
Lewis