Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,8

I catch sight of Ellie running toward me.

“Mama.” She slams into me, and despite her petite size, she nearly knocks me over, her little arms wrapping around my legs.

“Hi, baby.” I reach down and scoop her up, holding her close.

After the day I’ve had, this is the only thing that has the power to make me feel better. To make all of this feel worth it.

One day Ellie will ask about her dad. One day she’ll want to know everything. And when that day comes, I want her to know that I did all I could to help him. I never plan on her meeting him. Truthfully, I didn’t think he’d be alive long enough for it to matter. And maybe this is pessimistic of me to say, but I still don’t.

I know Jace. And I understand addiction well enough to know that you have to really want it. And truth be told, I don’t know that he does.

This is a pattern with him. He gets clean. He falls off the wagon. Does something that lands him in jail, and then eventually, back in rehab. It is a complete, never ending cycle.

I may have left four years ago, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been privy to what’s been going on with him. Every few months I meet up with a mutual friend of ours from high school for dinner. At some point, Jace always enters the conversation. And as much as I claim to not want to know anything about what or how he’s doing, the truth is I do. I want to know everything. Because despite it all, I still love him. I think I always will. And I can’t see a day when I won’t want to know that he’s okay, or rather still alive.

“You ready to go home?” I ask my daughter, kissing her warm cheek.

She bounces in my arms, her auburn curls swaying as she does. Emotion clogs my throat. While she may have gotten my hair, the rest of her is all Jace. Her eyes. Her smile. Hell, even the way she laughs.

“Can we go see Aunt Kiki?” She places her hands on either side of my face and squeezes. While Kiera is technically her second cousin, she’s always referred to herself as Ellie’s aunt. Probably because we’re more like sisters than cousins.

“Not today.” I watch her expression fall. “But how about this. Maybe tomorrow we can go to the park and Aunt Kiki can come? How does that sound?”

“I’m going to the park with Aunt Kiki,” she proclaims to Gianna, squirming in my arms.

“Maybe.” I tap her on the nose before lowering her to her feet. “Now, go get your bag.”

I smile, watching her scurry away moments later.

“That girl is something else.” Gianna draws my attention to her. “You’re going to have your hands full when she gets older.”

“Lord don’t I know it.” I laugh, shaking my head. “How much do I owe you for today?”

“Nothing.”

“Gianna, this is how you earn a living. I can’t not pay you.”

“She was here for a couple of hours and played with the girls the entire time. You pay me enough each week. I think I can throw in a freebie here and there.”

I study her for a long moment.

For a mother of two girls, two and five, who has several other children in and out of her home most days, she really keeps up with herself. When I’m not working, I mostly live in my pajamas. Whereas Gianna looks like a million bucks every day. Her dark hair is always straight and smooth, and she always wears the cutest outfits. She makes me feel like a bum often. Of course it doesn’t hurt that she also has the most gorgeous brown skin, curves I would probably die for, and legs for days. For a woman in her early thirties that juggles kids all day, she’s got it going on.

“You’re the best.” I smile, feeling so blessed that Ellie and I found her.

Gianna and her family live three houses down from us, and I was beyond excited when I moved in a few months ago and found out that someone in my neighborhood ran an in-home daycare. The fact that we hit it off instantly was icing on the cake.

I was terrified about leaving Ellie with a stranger at first, but Gianna has become like family. She keeps Ellie through the day so I can rest, while Kiera keeps her overnight while I’m at work. The joys