Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,9
of being a third shift ER nurse and all. Luckily, I work three twelves so it’s not that bad.
I hate the long nights, but at the same time I love having four days off to spend with Ellie, so the positive outweighs the negative most days. And I know that I won’t have to do it forever. Eventually I hope to move to day shift, though that might be a while considering I’ve only been working there for a year. Seniority and all.
“I do what I can.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal, both of our gazes swinging to Ellie as she comes running back into the foyer, her little backpack bouncing on her back.
“Mama, you ready?” She takes my hand, tugging me toward the door.
“Guess that means she’s ready to go.” I throw a small wave at Gianna. “Thank you again.” I allow Ellie to pull me out of the front door.
“Anytime.” Gianna holds the door open by wedging her body in the frame. “I’ll see you on Thursday, Ellie.”
“Okay!” Ellie waves excitedly. Moments later, the door closes behind us as we make our way down the sidewalk.
“So, did you have fun today?” I ask her, holding her tiny hand in mine.
“Yep.” She starts skipping.
If there’s one thing I can say about my child, she never lacks energy.
It takes us less than a minute to reach our ranch style home. It’s an older house, but the previous owners did a complete remodel on it before they sold it, so it feels new. The exterior has all new white siding with dark gray shutters and door. And the inside is even nicer. Wood floors throughout, which is perfect when you have a toddler who spills everything, a new kitchen complete with white cabinets and stainless-steel appliances, and it’s an open concept so I’m able to watch Ellie in the living room while cooking. All three bedrooms and both bathrooms are located at the back of the house. There’s even a small, furnished apartment attached to the backside of the garage. Although I’ve yet to really figure out what to do with it. With it being only me and Ellie, I don’t really need the extra space.
I snag my keys out of my purse before unlocking the door. Ellie runs inside, dropping her book bag on the floor before heading toward her bedroom.
I veer toward the kitchen, dropping my purse on the island before crossing to the refrigerator to grab a water. After the day I’ve had, I wish I had something far stronger than water right about now.
Jace comes back to the forefront of my mind. He looked good. Better than I had expected. I don’t know why, but in my head I imagined him scrawny with missing teeth and sunken cheekbones, but that isn’t what he looked like at all.
He looked… healthy. Lean like he always was, maybe even a little bulkier, if that’s possible given his lifestyle choices. His brown hair was trimmed short and the week-old scruff on his cheeks made him look like I’d remembered him. He’d be clean shaven for about two days, then scruffy for the next two weeks. Those last days before he shaved were always my favorite.
I twist off the cap of my water and take a long drink, the ache in my chest growing as I recall our interaction from a couple of hours ago.
I hadn’t expected to feel the way that I did. I knew it would be difficult to see him. I just didn’t expect for all those familiar feelings to come rushing to the surface the instant his blue eyes met mine.
How many times have I stared into those eyes? Gotten lost in their depths? A hundred? A million? It’s hard to say. But looking into them again, I was not prepared for the onslaught of memories as they came pouring in.
I wanted to be angry. I tried to be angry. But as I sat across that table, staring at the boy I’ve loved for over half my life, all I felt was sadness.
Sadness that he had fallen so far. Sadness over the life we don’t have and will never get to have. Sadness that the one person I want to find solace in is the one person I can’t. Because he’s the one who did this to us.
He broke us.
He broke me.
And no matter how badly I wish that weren’t the case, it is.
The only thing I can do now is continue to move on with