Poison & Wine - Melissa Toppen Page 0,7
Oak. I need this. I need this to stick this time. If I keep going like I have been, I’ll end up dead. Hell, I’m shocked it hasn’t happened before now. And as much as I hated the thought of you coming here, of you seeing me still in the same hell all these years later, I knew there was no possibility of success unless I could at least apologize. So thank you, for coming here, for agreeing to see me. You didn’t have to, and I know it couldn’t have been easy, but you did it. You did it for me.”
“No, Jace, I did it for me. Because I needed this too. I needed closure. I needed to know that I made the right choice when I left four years ago. Being here has reaffirmed everything I already knew. My life is better without you in it. And I’m not saying that to hurt you. But as long as you’re being honest, it’s only fair that I do the same.”
“No, I get it,” I admit, even though her words feel like a hundred knives penetrating my chest all at once. “Whatever the reason, Oak, I’m still glad you came. You could’ve ignored my letter. You could have thrown it away without reading it. So thank you. Thank you for showing up for me when I needed you to, even if it’s the last time you’ll ever do it.”
“It is.” She glances down at her lap, then back up to my face. “The last time,” she tacks on after a moment. “If you need my forgiveness, you have it. If you need to hear me say I don’t hate you for what you did, I don’t hate you. I want you to get clean and stay clean. I want you to have a life, Jace. A real life. I want so many things for you. But after this, I can’t be a part of it. I just can’t.”
“I know.” I swallow, my throat feeling like sandpaper.
“Just do me one favor.” She leans on her elbows, her gaze locked on mine.
“Anything.”
“Don’t use our past or anything else as a crutch or an excuse to fall back into old habits. If you really want to prove to me that you’re sorry, then stay clean this time. That’s all I ever wanted.” The legs of the chair skid against the floor as she stands.
“Oak,” I blurt, pushing to my feet.
I need to look at her for another moment. Study the lines of her face. Take in all the ways she’s changed. Commit all of it to memory.
This is probably the last time I’ll ever see her, and while the thought guts me, I know it’s what’s best. Maybe not for me, but definitely for her.
A sad smile slides across her lips, and when she blinks I catch sight of the unshed tears building in her eyes.
I want to pull her to me. I want to wrap my arms around her like I have so many times before. Bury my nose into her hair. Reassure her that everything is going to be okay. But I lost the right to do such things a very long time ago.
“Goodbye, Jace.” Her words are so soft they barely break the surface, yet they feel like a car slamming into me at a hundred miles an hour.
I stand motionless, frozen, unable to say or do anything but watch the only person I’ve ever truly loved turn and walk away.
If I thought I knew grief. If I thought I knew loss and pain before now, I was kidding myself. Because this? This hurts worse than anything else I’ve ever endured.
Maybe it’s because I’m sober.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen Oakley in years, and seeing her now opened up some very deep wounds that I had thrown a Band-Aid over and forgotten about.
Or maybe it’s because for the first time in a very, very long time, I’m realizing just what I had and what I carelessly threw away.
They say time heals all wounds. But in my case, it feels like time continues to reopen wounds that have been festering right below the surface.
I guess before you can heal, you have to kill off the infection. I only wish I had realized how fucking bad it would hurt to do.
Chapter Four
OAKLEY
* * *
“Hey, you’re back early.” Gianna steps to the side to let me into the house.
“Yeah, my appointment didn’t take as long as I thought it would.” I smile when