believe you were a virgin, I would’ve—”
“You would’ve what? Tried to get into my pants sooner?” I shook my head and a disgusted sound gurgled from my throat. “You have a lot of nerve putting all this on me. I never told you I was a virgin. If you assumed that, then…well, that’s on you.”
I tapped my foot, waiting for his response, but he hesitated as he rubbed at the back of his neck. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to blame you. I came here to rectify my mistake.”
“You turned me down, Cowboy. So what…now that you’re ready for me, I’m supposed to just roll over and let you have your way with me?”
“Christ, no. That’s not what I meant.” Cowboy shrugged. “I just meant that I came here to apologize for my behavior. It was uncalled for.”
I moved away from the door and sat down on the couch. I didn’t know why, but I felt the need to explain my situation to him. “Look, I had a bad sexual experience. Someone abused my trust and…well, he did things that hurt me. I don’t want to go through that again.”
“Some bastard hurt you? Tell me who the motherfucker is and I’ll kill him.” Cowboy blew out a deep breath and lowered his voice. “I’m sorry…that he hurt you, I mean.” Despite his soft tone, Cowboy’s hands fisted at his sides and his body vibrated with anger. He wasn’t sorry. He was pissed.
“Thanks, but it’s in the past, and I don’t want to dwell on it.” I glanced up at his eyes and felt the first dagger of pity slice into me. “Stop looking at me like that. I didn’t tell you so that you’d feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to understand.”
He nodded, but didn’t speak.
A rush of heat flooded my cheeks, but I needed to be honest with him to avoid any more misunderstandings. “Listen, I don’t have the kind of, um, experience you do.” I gestured to a pile of books across the room on an end table—books I’d spent the last three days reading. “I checked out some self-help books from the library and spent the last few days going over them.”
Cowboy walked over and lifted a book from the top of the stack. “You’re reading a how-to manual on sex?” he asked, clearly shocked by the revelation.
I cringed, but it was too late to turn back now. “I bought some DVDs as well. They’re all about self-empowerment for women in the bedroom.”
He glanced at the DVDs sitting on the entertainment center, and he blinked. The top one’s cover displayed a nearly naked woman with a man’s hands covering her breasts. “So what you’re basically telling me is that you’re reading sex books and watching porn?”
“No! Of course not.” I closed my eyes and sighed. No sense in getting defensive. “I was doing some, um, research.”
He looked at me as if I were crazy. “On sex?”
“Yes.” I blushed again. “I wanted to prepare myself. And I didn’t want to be…ineffectual for you.”
His brows lowered. “Translation?”
God, this was so embarrassing. “I didn’t want to be bad in bed,” I said then sighed, thinking this conversation hadn’t gone over as well as I thought it would. “It’s just that…well, I felt stupid asking you to train me.”
“Train you?” Cowboy looked puzzled over my choice of words. “Hold up, Anna. Sex isn’t about training anyone.”
“Oh, yeah? Well, then how else would I find out that if you massaged a man’s perineum while performing fellatio he would ejaculate faster?”
The stunned look on Cowboy’s face lasted only seconds, then he grinned. “Darlin’, you don’t learn by reading clinical descriptions. You learn by doing what feels good.”
I nodded in agreement. “Oh, I know! I did that, too, by experimenting on myself.”
He rubbed a hand over his face as he contemplated what I’d said. “Did you just tell me you masturbated?”
I lowered my gaze briefly, wondering if that was something he found repulsive. “I mean the things I read were sort of arousing, and I wasn’t sure about a few of the sexual maneuvers and all the endless variations, so I…well, yeah.”
“Jesus.” Cowboy looked up at the ceiling with what possibly could’ve been exasperation. “What the hell is wrong with you women these days? I thought Emily said some derogatory things, but…” His gaze lowered onto me. “She has nothing on you.”
“Actually, Emily was the one who suggested it.”
“Oh, hell. Why am I not surprised?” He shook his head,