wall of darkness in front of me,” I sing, looking into Harlow’s eyes. Recognition of the lyrics is apparent. Her eyes begin to water before I even make it to the chorus. Thankfully, Lily is tearing up too. It keeps the guys from figuring out the significance. “Dive deep to the unknown,” I repeat over and over. I close my own eyes as the chorus resonates so deeply with what I’m feeling right now. I don’t have all the answers—whether I should stay away from the one woman who has the power to destroy me or embrace the fall of the unknown. This song coming to me when it did, tells me I should just dive deep into the unknown.
“I freaking love it,” Asher says after I sing the last lyric. “It’s definitely a song that will move the crowd. I can’t wait to bring in all the instrumentals. It even has the girls crying.”
“Yeah, man. What made you think of it?” Ren presses. His piercing stare is telling. He’s trying to figure out if I really just laid my feeling out about Harlow for everyone to see. The answer to that was received by its intended recipient, so he can just keep wondering. I love my guys like they are my brothers, but somethings I can’t share.
“I don’t know, Ren. I guess having my brother visit just kicked up a lot of past history and unresolved shit simmering at the surface. Like I said, this song is about individual interpretation.” He and Killian nod their understanding, so I guess my explanation is satisfactory.
The thing is, everything I said is true. My past is the reason for my mistrust. I’ve experienced firsthand how fickle love is. All the shit that I try to suppress is never far from the surface—there threatening to be seen…to be exposed.
“I have one more song about redemption,” I tell the guys. “I wrote this one and have laid the tracks to it, but we can tweak it later.” If they thought the first song was something, this one is even more revealing. So much so, I hesitated if I should share it or not. Throwing caution to the wind, I begin.
I told myself that I'd never look back
I was the reason for all your pain, and I never wanted to hurt you again
I never wanted to be the reason for your tears, so it was best that I moved on
But then you forgave me for all my past sins
You refused to give my heart back, and it was then that the road to my redemption began
Here is my creed of Redemption
I promise to be a better man this time around
My heart was never mine from the minute you came around
Here is my creed of redemption
I will give you my all
You've seen me at my worst
You see me like nobody else can
You have my heart, and I will forever be your man
Redemption
Redemption
You’re my redemption
The guys applaud and tell me how badass they think the song is, but I can only focus on Harlow. What is she thinking? She will always have my heart, and I know this now. My thoughts are interrupted by Harlow, handing me back the mic. She wipes away her tears with the back of her hands.
“That was beautiful, Phoenix,” she says as she looks away. I don’t want her to look away. I want to see the feelings that she’s hiding. I want to kiss her tears away and dive deep within her. Instead, I have to watch her walk away. She climbs back into her bunk, but she doesn’t open her laptop this time. She moves the book out of her way. She turns so that her back is facing us and I fucking hate that I can’t go to her.
I get up to get myself a glass of water. The guys are still discussing the songs and their take on it. Lily comes up to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I jump from the shock of her touch. I wasn’t expecting it.
“I got it, Phoenix, and so did Harlow. That was fucking beautiful. Ballsy, but beautiful,” she says. “I’ll go and talk to her. I think I know what she may be feeling right now.” I knew Harlow had told her about us, and now she just confirmed it. I don’t know how much she knows, but I’m glad Harlow has someone to confide in.
“What is that, Lily? What is it that you think she’s feeling?” I