the out-of-body experience is a foreign one. I feel so out of control, but he seems to get off on seeing me like this. I didn’t even come. What the hell is going on with me?
He jumps out of bed and comes back with a damp towel. He begins to clean me up, and I just continue to lie here—embarrassed that I just zoned the fuck out.
“Phoenix, I—” I begin, but he shushes me with a single finger to my lips.
“Enough for tonight, baby. Let me just hold you.” He slides in bed next to me and pulls me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head and actually rocks me.
The motion is soothing. The foggy haze begins to dissipate, and I snuggle closer into his arms.
“Sleep now, Harlow,” he says. His rocking slows, and I know that he is out. I replay the night back. He stated that was enough for tonight, which means he didn’t give me his all. He’s still holding something back. I don’t get it. I don’t understand what made me cry, or why it got him off, for that matter. His tender care for me afterward proves he doesn’t want to see me hurt, so why was it that he could only come after seeing my tears. I’m so confused. I don’t know how to feel about tonight. I wanted all of him, the part of himself that he doesn’t show to anyone else, so I’ll try to understand.
I’m more embarrassed about my own actions. I had this beautiful man on top of me, fucking me like a sex god, and I just laid here, motionless and numb. Honestly, I don’t see how he could have gotten off. I totally checked out, and it was beyond my control. It was like I was here, but I wasn’t. He might as well have been screwing a corpse. That has never happened to me before. I went from insatiable to frigid. He just got his nut and then called it quits. He probably thinks I can’t handle the shit he’s into, and from my reaction tonight, I’d say he’s right. I asked for this. I need to be by myself right now.
I ease his arm from around me until I’m completely out from under him. I try to remember where I first removed my clothes. I crawl around on the floor until I finally find them. Phoenix turns over in the bed but thankfully stays asleep. I throw my dress back on, forgoing the heels. I can’t find the panties, so screw it. I tiptoe out of the door, with my stilettos in hand, careful not to wake him.
The music is still going strong out back, but no way am I returning to the party. I find the bedroom where Lily and I changed into our swimsuits earlier. Luckily the room is empty. I was afraid all of the bedrooms would be taken by now. I can’t decide if I should put the lock on the door or not. Irelyn and Lily may need to come in here to sleep later. On the other hand, I don’t want someone stumbling in here after I’m asleep, looking for a place to have sex. Mind made up, I put the lock on the door. I’m glad I had the idea to bring up something to sleep in. I change into my sleep shorts and tank, then crawl into this bed fit for a queen, with its million thread count sheets.
My phone buzzes on the charger next to the bed. I think it may have been Phoenix waking up to find me gone, but it’s text messages from Irelyn. I didn’t have my phone on me, and I only pulled it out of my bag when I changed into my sleep clothes.
There are ten missed calls and even more messages. All asking where the hell I am. I reply to her text since I’m not in the mood to explain shit that I’m not sure of myself.
Me: Sorry just saw your missed calls and texts. My phone was upstairs in my bag. I hope my message will suffice, and she can go back to partying with Jack, if she even gets this right now. No such luck.
Irelyn: I was worried that you may have been drunk off your ass somewhere with some douche trying to get in your pants. Where are you?
Me: I’m fine, Irelyn. I’m calling it a night. I’m in the bedroom that is the