about that,” he relents. “That’s why I came to find you. That is, until I found out that you left the house in the dark. Alone. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking I wanted to take a walk. And that I didn’t answer to anyone, so I could do what the hell I wanna do.”
I watch as he flexes his fists, reeling in his control instead of saying what’s on his mind.
“Listen. I get that you’re not happy with me at the moment. Don’t put yourself in danger to spite me.”
“I’m a grown-ass woman who is not afraid of the dark. I’ll take a walk anytime I want.” I know that I’m egging him on, but it makes me feel better, so I’ll egg away. He doesn’t get to have it both ways. He can’t dismiss me and then expect me to give what he wants any kind of consideration.
“A grown woman, huh? Well, fucking act like it. Stop putting yourself in these unnecessary situations. You’re not invincible!”
“Whatever.” He’s fuming now if that clench of his jaw is any indication, but so am I. He hurt me tonight, and I feel like being petty. I know how he regards control, and I refuse to give it to him.
“What the actual fuck? Do you want to get raped or something?”
The blood freezes in my veins. “It wouldn’t be the fucking first …” I stop midsentence, realizing I’ve already admitted too much.
He’s off his bike in a nanosecond. I try to storm off, but he catches up to me and spins me around with such force that I almost stumble.
“What the hell did you just say?”
I try to walk away again, but he grabs my arm. His grip acts as a warning.
“Nothing. Why don’t you go back to Melissa before you have to invent another lie to explain your disappearance?”
“I don’t give two shits about Melissa at the moment—”
“But you do care about her,” I taunt, cutting him off.
“You’re not going to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Change the damn subject. What were you going to say, Harlow? That it wouldn’t be the first fucking time? Tell me that’s not what the hell you were going to say!”
“That’s not what I was going to say,” I deadpan.
He scrubs his face with his hands. “The all-black, the introversion, the fucking brokenness when I first met you. I can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots before now.”
“I have no idea what you’re going on about, but I’m growing bored with this conversation.”
His eyes look through me. Sadness reflects at me mixed with pity and regret. I hate that combo. This is why I keep my fucked-up past to myself. I survived. I don’t want to ever feel like that again—helpless.
“Don’t do that, baby. Don’t deflect.”
He loosens his grip on my arm to pull me into his embrace. His cologne intoxicates me, makes me feel safe—like he’s home. Only he’s not. He’s Melissa’s home at the moment. I don’t want him like this … out of pity. I wiggle away from him and wipe the stupid tears that manage to fall. His face crumples, but he lets me go.
“You’re wrong,” I assure. “I was going to say, it wouldn’t be the first time a woman was raped. I know the risks, but they’re minimal out here. Look around. See how quiet it is?”
I sniffle, and he flinches.
“Then why are you crying?” he asks, unfooled.
“Because …” I pause. “You’re only here out of some misplaced need to apologize. Your cards were shown tonight—your hand revealed. And guess who has the trump card? Melissa. You had a choice to make on whose feelings to spare, and you chose her. Now I have to come to terms with the position that I hold. A nobody.”
The tears fall freely. Even though the words that rolled off my tongue were meant to be a diversion, I felt every syllable. My heart bleeds with this admission. The thoughts that I tried to push out of my mind when I started this walk have just exposed themselves.
“You know that’s not true. I’m not out here out of some misplaced need to apologize. I do owe you an apology. I failed to be a better friend. I should have handled the intrusion by Melissa better.”
“A friend, huh? And there it is.”
“There what is?”
“My demotion.”
“Stop, please.”
“Considered it done. I’m stopping.”
My heart ricochets against my ribs, splintering into pieces with that dubious admission. He must feel it too.
“Don’t give up on me, Harlow.” He blows out a cleansing