the boots and the scarf around my neck, I look like a regular Pacific Northwesterner and that's exactly what I'm going for. Instead of calling a car to take me to the marina, I put the directions into my phone and take a walk.
19
Tyler
When I first see her phone, I'm tempted to walk away. Maybe I should just take off, leave, and never talk to her again, but this is my boat and she's showering in my shower.
I need answers.
I don't want to have a fight, but that's probably inevitable. I look at the time. I've had a long day and so has she, but the messages keep eating at me.
I thought I could trust her. I thought that she was a decent person who wouldn’t cheat.
The truth is that I don't know the first thing about her.
“What is all of this?” I ask when she comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around herself.
I hold her phone out for her to see and watch the blood drain from her face. Her shoulders slide down and she almost cowers in place. I'm not threatening her. I'm just standing in the doorway and have asked her a simple question.
“How long have you been seeing your ex-boyfriend?” I ask. “How long have you been sleeping with him?”
“It was a mistake,” she says, licking her lips.
She tugs at her towel nervously but doesn't make a move to get the bathrobe laying at the foot of the bed.
“It was a mistake because I caught you or was it a mistake because it happened?”
“I'm really sorry,” she says, looking down at the floor. “The first time that it happened we’d had too much to drink and then… I don't know. We were just together for so long…”
“He cheated on you, Rachel. He lied to you. You have already gotten together and broken up a bunch of times.”
“I know,” she says with a shrug. “What can I say? There’re some people that you can't stop thinking about, no matter how bad they are for you, no matter what they do.”
Her words hit me as if they are a punch to my gut. I don't think truer words have ever been spoken.
The truth is that I'm angry at her, but I'm not really mad.
We had a good time and I thought that we were a good match, but are we really?
Maybe on the outside.
Maybe on the surface.
If we were a good match, would I still be thinking about Isabelle all the time?
I open my mouth to say something else, but nothing comes out. I should be angry with her and I should throw stuff, but I just feel despondent.
I don't really care. It's almost as if I now have an excuse to break up with her and I'm relieved about that.
“I hope that you can forgive me,” Rachel says. “I can't be with Michael. We are terrible together and I should have never let this happen.”
Rachel looks up at me with tears in her eyes. She puts her arms around me and wraps herself tightly.
The fact that I'm not responding may suggest to her that I'm actually considering this proposition.
She probably thinks that I will forgive her. Although, the only thing that I am thinking right now is that this is my way out.
“I thought that we had something special,” I say. “I thought that I could trust you. I told you that I had a difficult time with my ex-girlfriend and that she betrayed me just like Michael betrayed you.”
I told her that Isabelle had betrayed me, insinuating that she cheated because I couldn't tell her about the money.
She assumed that we were going through the same thing and that was okay by me.
“We connected in our pain, but beyond that, we didn't have much. At least, that's what it seems like right now.”
“You don't understand,” Rachel says with a tear running down her cheek. “I should have never done that with Michael. I don't want to be with him. I know that I hurt you, but maybe there is some way that we can talk about this.”
“What's there to talk about?” I ask.
“I want to make amends. It was just so stupid. Our relationship was so young and I think that if we work hard, we can get over this.”
I shake my head and ask, “What is there to work on? If we're not happy now, in the beginning of our relationship, how are we going to get through the rest? Why even