never really wanted to have a child the way that most women do.
I've also never really wanted to be married as an abstract concept. I want to be with someone and not just with anybody.
I want to be with Tyler. He was the first person that I have met in a long time that made my heart skip a beat and it wasn't just because all the cops in the tri-state area were looking for him.
“Isabelle, did you hear me?” Libby asks and I realize that I haven't said anything for a while.
“I know that what you are saying is right,” I say quietly, “but I loved Tyler and I love him still. It's hard for me to imagine dating anyone else or even wanting to have dinner with anyone else.”
“I know that, honey, but sometimes the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone. Another guy would take your mind off Tyler. He'll make you forget all the bad things that happened with him.”
“He didn't do that,” I say, shaking my head. “He didn't do any of what they accused him of.”
“I know. I know that you believe that, but what if he did? What if everything that he said was a lie?”
“Is that what you think?” I ask, getting incensed.
I lean away from her and furrow my brows, unable to believe what she's actually saying.
“I don't know what happened, Isabelle, but I just want you to think about it in some way that will allow you to move on.”
“You want me to just pretend that he is a double murderer so that it would be easier for me to find another boyfriend? Regardless of what happened between us, he did not kill his wife or her boyfriend. He served time for crimes he didn't commit and that's the reason why he escaped. I don't know where he is now and I know that I should move on, but I can't.”
She nods her head and I can tell that I have not really convinced her.
I grab a piece of paper from her coffee table and one of Kylie's crayons.
I write down the name of the podcast and the website of the attorney who proclaims Tyler's innocence.
“This guy has no stake in anything. He doesn't know him in real life, but he watched the trial and he's convinced that Tyler is innocent. There's something else that I didn't tell you. I know he is innocent because I met the woman who was his alibi for that night. She's involved in a lot of illegal activities and that's why he covered for her. That's why she never came forward, but she told me the truth. I saw it in her eyes and I believe her.”
I have already told Libby parts of the story, but I hope that this drives it home. I need her to believe this about Tyler because it's what I know to be true.
I need her to believe it because I need her to be on my side.
“I will listen to this podcast and watch the videos,” Libby says, “But only if you promise to go on a date. I need you to give someone else a chance. Even if it's a bad idea. Even if it's not a match. I want you to get out of this slump.”
I think about that and give her a nod.
“Fine,” I say and we shake on it.
14
Isabelle
On the drive back home, I feel sad. I have grown so close to Libby over this past year and I really thought that she would be there for me no matter what.
I guess she still is, but the fact that she said that about Tyler makes me feel uneasy. I know that she's just worried about me. I know that she's just concerned.
I don't have many friends. She's my only one and I need her to believe what I believe.
Pulling up to my house, I dream of filling up the tub and getting into a hot bath full of bubbles. I have a special tray that fits right over the top and a very expensive candle that I should have probably passed on, but I couldn't stop myself from buying it. I have already picked out my reading material and I can practically see myself descending under the water.
When I walk across the threshold, I immediately feel like something is off.
I flip on the light and see that the television is missing off the wall. The brackets are still there but