tell,” I say, not wanting to argue.
“Now, where are them big words about me and Benita?” he goads.
I punch him playfully in the shoulder, grateful for the change in subject. “No big words today, but I can tell you honestly that as your faux fiancé, I’m very happy that you’re in love with another woman.”
He punches me back. “And as your…whatever you just said that I’m assuming means fake fiancé, I can tell you that I’m very happy that you’re in love with another man. Even if it is Pike.”
“If only all couples could live in such blissful honesty,” I say, resting my head against his shoulder.
“All couples aren’t as fucked up as we are,” he says, wrapping an arm over my shoulder and kissing the top of my head.
“Tou-fucking-che.”
Percy wrinkles his nose. “Is that French for I agree that we are fucked?”
I nod. “It sure as hell is.”
“Hey, look at that. I’m bilingual now.” He laughs.
The laughter quickly fades to silence. We sit there on the bed, leaning against each other, watching the sunset through the window while wondering what the future might hold for us and our seemingly impossible dream.
If any at all.
“I really would like to meet her someday,” I tell him.
“I’m not bringing her around this shit. I’m not even going to see her until I’m a hundred percent clear, and I know no one will come after me. I can’t put her in that kind of danger.” He shakes his head. “I won’t.”
“Just like I didn’t want to drag Pike into it,” I agree. “That didn’t work.”
“No,” he says, sitting up and pushing me off of his shoulder. “It’s not the same.”
“How isn’t it the same? We both don’t want the people we love involved in our shit.”
“Because Benita is a civilian. I mean, she’s a Corrections Officer, but she’s not in this life. Pike is. Always has been. You keeping him away is like telling a thunderstorm to hold the rain. He was born for this shit. He’s already in this shit. He lives it. You have a loaded gun in your pocket, and you’re using it as a doorstop. You don’t need to protect him. You need to use him.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Would you say the same thing if Benita was Pike in this situation?”
“Hell fucking no, but she’s not.” Pike settles me back on his shoulder. “So, I can.”
“What do you want me to do, Percy?” I ask, but what I’m really asking is, “What should I do?”
“You should talk to him. Figure it out. See what he wants, and respect it just like he’s respected what you want although I’m sure it’s eating him up inside not to storm in here and blow my fucking head off.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue.
“I do. He fucking told me, besides, if you were him and he was telling you not to get involved, wouldn’t it eat you up?”
I cringe. “I hate it when you’re right. Stop it. It’s very unbecoming.”
“Get used to it. I’m going to try to be more right from here on out.”
I grab his earlobe and give it a tug. “Alright, alright. Quit it. Nobody told me that being friends with your fake fiancé would be so annoying. I think I’ll trade you in for a goat.”
“I’m worth at least three goats. And we already have a dog.”
Bruno is the Reich’s guard dog who patrols the grounds at night. I make a note to be nicer to him and maybe slip him some leftovers since I’ve never thought of him as our dog before.
I press my lips together and hold a finger to the corner of my mouth. “I’ll keep that in mind and aim high. Negotiations will be tough, but I’ll see what I can manage.”
Percy’s smile flattens. “Can you also manage a clean soul and freedom?”
I answer honestly, “If I could, I wouldn’t be here.”
“I used to understand everything. Or, at least, I think I understood everything. Now that I know that I don’t know jack shit and that I’m aware that I don’t know jack-shit?” He blows out a long breath. “It so much fucking worse.”
“I know how that feels. I wish I could just understand why people hate. The science behind it and then I could fix it. Or I could try to fix it. All of my research and all I have is more questions. Like, why do they hate black people in particular?”
There’s no answer he can give me that will justify or