watched me chew in silence for a moment, then his eyes narrowed.
“Martin, I have a very specific question for you,” he said. I met his gaze, curious. “Exactly what the hell are you doing in Ireland?”
chapter twelve
I TOLD YOU, I’m looking up old friends and stuff,” I said. I offered nothing more, even though that wasn’t entirely accurate.
“No, actually, you haven’t,” he said. “You told me you were there because you’re a workaholic—no surprise there—and you needed to reconnect with your past, but I know there’s something bigger going on, so spill it. Because no one here is talking. Whenever I ask Aidan or your right hand, Julia, they flee the room as if I’ve set it on fire. So tell me, why did you have to drop everything and race to Ireland? And I don’t believe any hokum about finding happiness, because when you were torturing me here in Boston, you looked plenty happy to me.”
“That’s because I enjoy causing you pain,” I replied. Not a total lie either.
“Martin.” His voice was low. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re doing.”
“Well, tomorrow I’m driving out to the Cliffs of Moher,” I said. Truth. “And then I’ll drive back to Dublin and fly to Paris.”
“France?” he asked.
“Well, I didn’t mean Texas.”
“So, now you’re off to France. Why?”
“It’s the next stop on my quest,” I said.
He put down his beer and rubbed his hands together. “Now we’re getting somewhere. What’s the quest, and why are you on it?”
“I’m trying to find myself,” I said. He stared at me, waiting, and I found myself adding, “I’m trying to remember what it felt like to—oh god, if you mock me, I’ll kill you dead.”
“There will be no mockery, I promise.” He made some sort of two-finger Boy Scout salute. Whatever.
I stared at him for a second and then said, “I’m trying to remember what it felt like to be in love.”
To my eternal relief, he didn’t mock. Instead, he tipped his head to the side, curious. “What do you mean, ‘trying to remember’? Has it been that long? And why do you need to be across the ocean to do this?”
And then, as if he’d poked a poorly made dam with a stick, what began as a trickle of random words with little meaning suddenly gathered force inside my chest and came out in a deluge of information that I couldn’t have held back if I’d tried.
“My father is getting remarried,” I said. “To a woman he met just a few weeks ago, because they think they’re madly in love. They want me to be in their wedding, but I can’t . . . I never . . . I’ve never even thought about my dad remarrying, and I just . . .”
He waited, not interrupting, not telling me what I should do or feel. He just listened.
“When my father told me he was getting remarried, I couldn’t find it in myself to be happy for him,” I said. “I just kept thinking, Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did he want to get married, why now, why her, why not just live together, and why did he want me to be a part of it—you know, all the whys,” I said.
“I’m guessing that didn’t go very well.”
“Now who’s the master of understatement?” I asked. “My father was hurt, and then he asked me when I’d stopped letting love into my heart.”
“Oof, that had to be tough,” he said.
I nodded. I met his gaze, saw the sympathy there, and quickly looked away. “It was. And of course my younger sister, Annabelle, thinks it’s all great, and she’s all over me because why can’t I be happy for Dad, blah, blah, blah. It got a little ugly, especially when she pointed out that I haven’t been in a real relationship since my year abroad seven years ago.”
“Seven years?” he asked. He sounded flabbergasted, and his eyes were huge. Like seeing-a-flying-saucer huge.
“Yeah,” I said. “During my postcollege gap year, before my mom passed away, I fell in love three times, with Colin in Ireland, Jean Claude in Paris, and Marcellino in Italy. Annabelle thought if I went back and found these guys, then maybe I’d remember what it felt like to fall in love, and I’d be okay with my dad getting remarried. It’s crazy, I know, but I didn’t know what else to do.” I shoveled more cake into my mouth.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Jason picked up his beer and took a long gulp. When he finished, he lowered